CMC Freshman Shocked to Discover God is Female Upon Accidentally Wandering Into Scripps Class

 

 Robbie Williams is thrilled to be studying at Claremont Mckenna after enduring four brutal years at one of New York City’s WORST $45,000/year private high-schools. After struggling through the rough streets of Manhattan, being forced to dine at five-star restaurants, and live in his parent’s $10,000/month apartment, Williams was dying to get out. “One of
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Pitzer Sophomore Preaches Amazing Health Benefits of Veganism, and Cocaine

The Body is a Ferrari, Super Cars Need Super Fuel

 

 *The Golden Antlers sat down with Pitzer sophomore Nico Moses, a self-proclaimed health and lifestyle guru, this week to discuss tips and tricks to maintaining a healthy lifestyle at the 5Cs* Golden Antlers: So, Nico, thank you so much for sitting down and talking about your lifestyle and choices with us. We understand that your
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Bay Area Student Files for International Status

 

 Pomona junior, Jenny Johnson, made waves on campus this week when she petitioned to change her residential status to international, although not actually coming from somewhere outside of the United States. Johnson actually traveled 400 miles to get to Claremont, as she proudly calls Marin County “home.” Feeling that SoCal and NorCal cannot be anymore
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Scripps College Offers Tinder+ Accounts to CGU Apartment Residents to Find Better Places to Spend the Night

 

 News has quickly spread across the 5C’s that Scripps College has, once again, overenrolled. As a result, 38 first-years were assigned to live off-campus. Every day, these unlucky students journey back and forth from their home in the outskirts of Claremont, the faraway land of the CGU apartments.* There, they find their friendly neighbors: the
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10 Things Definitely NOT to do with the CMC email chain

We strongly condemn the usage of all emails

 

 Yesterday, a great gift was bestowed upon the students of CMC: the gift of responsibility. As the story goes, an unwitting sophomore accidentally emailed a survey to the entire student body without BCC-ing anyone (in laymen’s terms: he started the biggest, most lit group chat in CMC history). What followed was a glorious, shockingly funny
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The Official Unofficial GA guide to a PERM

Sure-fire advice to get the perfect schedule

 

 Trying to get into that overfilled CS5 which already has 100+ PERMs? Fear not, the Golden Antlers has prepared a list of sure-fire strategies for pushing your PERM request to the top, especially for those persnickety professors who say “sorry, the space can’t physically fit you” or “you’ve failed every prerequisite to my class.” Here they
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Welcome New Golden Antlers Hires!

@The Rose, ours are better than yours

 

 Earlier in the semester, the Rose sent out an email informing the entire student body about their recent hires. As this organization is of the highest caliber among groups at the Claremont Consortium, we decided here at the Golden Antlers, an equally high caliber group at the Claremont Consortium, that we should reply to their
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Why the Golden Antlers Hired Me

 

 On Friday, Sept. 29, I was invited into a secret Facebook group called “The Golden Antlers” which peddles in mediocre campus satire. This makes sense, because I applied to work (well, volunteer) for them. On the same day, my friends informed me that I had finally gained acceptance in their eyes as a humorous, fun-loving
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Jacksón, Senior For Freshman Class Prez

I’m still a freshman at heart, and maybe in credits

 

 The Golden Antlers would like to announce the official Golden Antler’s candidate for Freshman Class President: Jacksón Curtis Smith, senior for freshman class president. For far too long, Freshman representatives have been running the Freshman class. In a rare sequence of events, we had a chance to talk to said Jacksón, asking him hard hitting
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