1. The Hub Goes Vegan
2. Beer Pong is outlawed at CMC
3. The CMC Forum hosts a gossip girl style column about campus happenings.
4. Kravis stops funding CMC
The construction crew immediately stops building the waterslide they had planned that began on the Kravis roof and deposits students into the Scripps pool. On documents, T-shirts, Frisbees, PowerPoint presentations, and framed photographs everywhere there is a gaping blank spot where the Kravis Leadership Institute symbol should be. Kravis himself can be found in a house made entirely of money making it rain ten, ten, twenties, and them fifties bitch.
5. Stark hosts TNC
6. The Athenaeum invites Maury to host a talk.
7. 4th Floor Honnold is the biggest party on campus
8. CMC starts accepting people based ONLY on their SAT scores
9. Sushi Cruize and Liquorland actually require a valid ID before they sell or serve alcohol.
10. Creative writing becomes a GE requirement
Rows upon rows of fidgety, bro-tank clad students sit awaiting their first lesson on composition. “You, Joey, read your story to the class,” motions the teacher. Joey stands up, “This summer I worked at Goldman Sachs, there was a lot of cash to be made there.” The teacher stops him immediately, “Joey I want you to feeeel the scene unfold in front of your eyes. Let it guide you, show me your passion.” Joey returns the next week with his creative piece. “The rich scent of leather as I opened my wallet, the heady scent of Benjamins on Benjamins on Benjamins, these are the ways Goldman Sachs taught me to love. It was the best of times, it was the downest economy of times.” A+ Joey.