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3 Ways to Tell if You Have Piss Running Down Your Legs

lil piss time!
  1. I Can See it, Like Actually

Hey, it’s great to see you, it’s been forever! We haven’t seen each other since freshman – Jesus Christ, are you peeing right now? Right in front of my CMC’s The Hub Overnight Oats? Don’t even try to play it off or deny it, I’m literally watching the wet spot in your jorts get bigger as we speak. This is … awkward to say the least. I keep glancing down to look at your crotch but like, not in a gay way I just can’t stop looking at it spreads lower and lower. Do you even realize you’re pissing yourself? It looks like South America, veering off slightly to the right as it narrows into a thin trickle down the leg. 

2. Your Shoes are Filled (with piss)

How are you still going? It’s been at least 45 seconds. This is getting impressive. We’ve been making eye contact this whole time, I don’t know how you haven’t broken down or even acknowledged that you’ve pissed at least a full liter by now. This can’t be comfortable. Your socks are drenched, dude, and your shoes are actually overflowing. Wait, are those limited edition Golf Le Fleur converses? Those are like $250 and they’re getting ruined! Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you wear the same shoes twice. Do you … do this often? Oh god, oh sweet god, have mercy on me. Please at least take off your shoes dude I’m actually begging you. You don’t have to stop peeing, just please stop ruining the kicks. At this point you should invest in some river shoes that can handle this jaw dropping amount of urine you’re producing. 

3. I Can Hear it. Everyone Can Hear it.

I’ve never felt so alone in this world. Say something! I can quite literally hear the piss trickling slowly onto the floor. And you’re not even trying to cover up the sound. The people around us have stopped to watch. I don’t want to be associated with this, but I’m locked into this situation. I’m definitely bringing this up in therapy. Oh God, I can’t even close my eyes because the image of both of your legs absolutely covered in pee has been burned into my retinas. Stop smiling! Please! This is the worst experience of my life and you still haven’t stopped peeing. The fact that your stream has been so constantly powerful is medically impossible. You must be clinically dehydrated by this point, do you want me to call someone? SHS? Your mom? That’s it, I’m out of here. No, you can’t come back to my place! Jesus Christ.


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