5 Fun Winter Cardigans That Might Trick Your Mom Into Thinking You Haven’t Lost Your Virginity Yet



We love this Fair Isle Open Front Cardigan in navy from office-friendly retailer GAP.  This cozy fall favorite is 5% alpaca and 100% adorably patterned, which is good because nothing distracts the woman who bore you from the fact that you have become a godless heathen like bold multicolor stripes!

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Ladies, we’re drooling over this boho beautiful Shawl Collar Dolman Cardigan from Forever 21.  The open front and oh-so-soft rayon pair perfectly for any fashion conscious chica.  Bonus? This must-have is machine washable which comes in handy for those of our readers who can never, ever wash off the shame of what happened last semester. 😉

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This fun, quirky cardigan from J. Crew that comes in both “heather dusk” and “black” can be all yours for a cool 415 bucks.  Don’t worry readers, this wool cardie may be “boyfriend fit,” but this sporty-chic gem won’t tip off your mother as to how many fingers your boyfriend fit inside you after PUB last month.

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If you’re not looking to break the bank with this season’s hottest trends, take a gander at this Classic Knit Cardigan available in Bubble Gum, Cream, Taupe, Mint, Yellow, and Brick.  At a mere $12.90, this bargain find is sure to fit your post-holiday budget.  Pair it with a buttoned up collared shirt for a preppy-fresh look that says “I definitely didn’t have sexual intercourse with my CS professor in exchange for a passing grade.”

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This textured ivory cardigan from classy and fabulous Banana Republic is a funky take on a traditional style.  The oversized draped collar accentuates your neckline, while the smooth ivory color…sorta reminds me of that dress you wore to your first communion.  Wasn’t it a beautiful ceremony? And it’s not too far off from that gorgeous ankle-length number you wore when you signed the abstinence pledge at the Fathers and Daughters of the Church Function.  Let me try it on real quick, it’s beautiful and, hey, HEY, is that a hickey on your neck?  What am I paying for at that fancy schmancy school, my one and only daughter to become a harlot? No sirree I am not! You can bet your sweet buns if I find out you’ve been necking with any of those young men down there I will have your head, missy.  On second thought, put that cardigan back on.  Cover up your shoulders, hussy, we’re going to bible study.

– Clancy Tripp CMC ‘15


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