in , ,

5C For Sale/For Free: Build Me a Bar


Dear Mudder,

I have an engineering project for you. Of course, I would build it myself but I’m already exhausted after envisioning, designing, and asking for it. Plus, my dad just dropped me a fat check for $5k for the weekend. Let’s just say I think we can work out a Pareto efficient trade: I’m a PPE major, you’re probably an engineering major— badaboom badabing, you know what I mean, I pay you, you build me a bar. That’s right, I’m prepared to offer you $50 — 5-0, that’s five big ones! — to build me this:

Will Offer: $50

Simple Bar

I know what you might be thinking: too easy, we built four of those last night blackout drunk at West. Perfect, $50 can be yours.

Another thought, I’m hosting CEOs and HOEs Rayyger and I need it to be big. I saw this while playing Age of Mythology and I totally thought it would be lit if me and my bros could hop inside this fucking beast and gallop around campus.

Will Offer: $102

Wooden Fucking Horse

One more thought. The senior apartments are an eternity from campus. I was hoping you could build me a ride to and from my apartment and my 11:00 Macro class.

Will Offer $850

Simple Spaceship

I saw this in Popular Science and thought this would be a dope ass place to host TNR.

Will Offer: $400

Terraformed Mars


I lost my shit when I found this. AUTONOMOUS SHARK CATS. I want 10 of them.

Will Offer: $5k (Just take my money)

Science Disk That Turns My Cat Into a Shark

So yeah. I know you build this shit in your sleep, so, if you have the time, help a 5C For Sale/For Free guy out.

Peace, Love, Capitalism,


By Jacksón Smith ’18 & Milo Kremer ’20


Leave a Reply



The Golden Antlers Presents: The Great Prezi Apology

Where the Fuck is Oldenborg?: A Pocket Guide for Seniors Who Still Don’t Know Where Things are After 3 Years