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5C Student Fills Up Brita From Sink Like Medieval Peasant Scooping Water From Well

 

“It’s goddamn vintage. Go to any antique or thrift store and you’ll see that they can’t replicate an aesthetic quite like this. You see, my Brita has allowed me to live my life as sustainably as I can in a way that is personally convenient for me. I guess you could say I’d rather drink water with a little less L.A. sewage in it than go buy plastic water bottles—but you know it’s better for the environment that way, right? Especially in this heat wave, it’s important to stay hydrated in ways that are sustainable. That means steering clear of plastic. And if you can’t do this, you better drink as little water as possible to avoid looking like a dick in front of your friends. Personally, I prefer a more hands-on approach to sustainable living. And if that means I have to ladle gritty sink water into my Brita while squatting on the floor of a communal bathroom—then so be it. No, what school I go to isn’t relevant.”

In an interview with 5C student Sarah Flemmings, PZ ‘25, we were able to gather insight into what it’s like to live in the shoes of a college student, who has managed to turn an outmoded lifestyle into a movement of originality and quirk, outdoing even Scripps students. Discovering her new passion after a night spent on the floor meticulously scooping water into the filter of a Brita, Sarah is now committed to the lifestyle of the archaic. “Born in the wrong generation,” as she claims to be, Flemmings pushes the boundaries of the term “old soul” by turning her sight toward the 14th century, shooting a big fuck you to the old money, coquette, Lana Del Rey students roaming liberal arts colleges across America who, in Flemming’s words, “are complete novices in the vintage game.” In other words, “the nepotism baby aesthetic is a little too on the mark and cliché.”   

“At first we all thought it was one of her ‘things,’” says a friend of Flemmings, who asked to remain anonymous and unaffiliated with this article. “You know, preppy girl one week, goth the next. But then, one day, when she couldn’t get her Brita to fit underneath the faucet of the sink, something clicked. From then on, she really committed to the medieval look; she would wear tunics to dinner, cloaks to class, used the Keck Science Center to mix mercury-infused elixirs—you know, really taking the term ‘vintage’ to a whole new level. Honestly, this time around, I think she’s serious in her change of aesthetic. Sarah is just trying to make her way as the first medieval-inspired influencer on all social media platforms. She even has a Tik Tok page dedicated to bloodletting and proper leech care tutorials if you want to take a look at it.” We did not.   

According to this anonymous source, Flemmings is prepared to take her influencer status to the next level, reportedly moving from peasantry into even more archaic endeavors, hoping to eventually go as far back as the Paleolithic era.

“I was actually thinking about joining a convent,” says Flemmings. “It felt like the right next step for me and my brand.” 

In a recent follow-up, Flemings is reported to have made good on such a promise, currently holed up in a hand-built convent located directly outside of Malott. With no ventilation or access to light, Flemmings hopes that the structure’s acoustic and aesthetic properties will draw in Scripps students who want to spice up their Instagram feed, providing “a chic exposure to Catholicism in a way that is easily accessible.”

“Make sure to check us out on Instagram @5cconvent,” says Flemmings. “Your support is really appreciated.”   

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