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7 Things You Never Knew About CMC’s History: An Ode to CMCStudents.com

 

Early in the year The Golden Antlers received a tip that a wonderful historical reference known as CMCStudents.com could be reached using archive websites.  We discovered in this website a treasure trove of information about CMC in the late 80s all the way through 2000.  CMCStudents.com was run entirely by students and contained everything from a politically incorrect (and highly sassy) guide to prospective students, to a “rumor tree” filled with rumors about current students, to the first official article announcing Pamela Gann’s presidency.  The site (which used to actually own the domain claremontmckenna.com before a dramatic lawsuit you can read about here) is essentially The Golden Antlers’ godfather, and in this article we have laid out for you the best seven gems we found on their no-longer-active website.

1.  The Ath Gets Down N’ Dirty

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First of all, “another not-so-soft pornographic movie” implies that the Athenaeum was regularly involved in some string of seedy skin flicks to make a little money on the side.  Second, who is this “student who saw the movie” and how on earth did this conversation go?

Dear News Outlet,

I was in my room alone, making the beast with one back – if you will – when I happened upon a clip of our dearest Athenaeum in a compromising position.  I have enclosed the video cassette in question, though you may want to Clorox it before handling it.

Best,

Randy

Here is the link to a screenshot of the Ath in said film, but BE WARNED this link is explicit: click here 

As dutiful Golden Antlers reporters, we tried our best to locate the films in question.  We were unsuccessful, but we did stumble upon this helpful review.

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Who, for the love of God, is out there reviewing low-budget pornographic films on IMDB?  More importantly, who is out there reading IMDB reviews of low-budget pornographic films thinking to themselves, “Which films would be a welcome addition to my soft core collection?  Well, Bazdol from the Midwest rates this film as PRETTY GOOD, looks like a winner!”

2.  The Social Life

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It’s nice to know that even in “the good ol’ days” there were even more ancient “good ol’ days” to reminisce about.  Who can imagine a campus where students are limited to only six kegs a week! Oh, wait…

Luckily, there were students willing to step up and run CMC, to defend CMC’s party scene!  Thank god we no longer fall victim to some sort of “boys club,” perhaps some secret group of men who conspire to control CMC and, perhaps, the world.  Serious déjà vu here.

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3. Scripps Strikes Back

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The most important thing to note here is that Scripps College basically invented the Burn Book four years before Mean Girls even existed.  According to this news article, an unnamed student stole the book with a list of 100 boys not to date or hook up with from the Motley where it was, until then, common knowledge and property among Scripps students. The article reports that the list included 13 CMCers and that the top 5 spots on the list were all CMC students.  Also presumably ex-boyfriends were off-limits to friends because that’s just, like, the rules of feminism.  According to witnesses, “The list also includes a CMC girl who is described as a ‘bitch’ and ‘almost a man’” Reports at the time did not indicate whether or not said CMC girl had ever made out with a hotdog.  To be fair, the list was not a CMC-hate-fest as six unlucky Scripps women also made the list.

nottodate

4.  Collins Puts on an R-Rated Show

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Just in case you thought this news story was some early form of CMC satire, this piece was originally reported by the Forum which was, we imagine, a real news source many, many years ago back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and we had to walk uphill to school both ways.  Until this article, we thought the funniest thing that ever happened in Collins was their choice to hire a mariachi band for the morning after Pirate Party a few years ago.  Little known fact: there is no better cure for a hangover than having “La Cucaracha” played at full blast right in your ear for over an hour.  But no, it seems that back in the ol’ days, it was (kindof) acceptable to hire a stripper for your friend’s birthday and have her perform in the school cafeteria.  Health codes aside, we wonder if she accepted tips in the form of Claremont Cash.

5.  Welcome to Boswell

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6. PamGann Got Sassed Way Back in 2002

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7. Sorry for Partying

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It is always highly entertaining to watch the evolution of a party scene.  Last year’s twerking-video-in-the-Party-Inform debacle would likely have struck students from the 80s as too tame for words.  Also, you’ve really got to admire the level of smart-ass-ness it takes to rename a ‘Pimps and Whores’ party “Pure and Wholesome.”  Still, it is clear that when it comes to party-rocking, CMC students will always find something to complain about.  While Blumenfeld is not hosting parties entitled, “Pimp and Whore Night,” we here at The Golden Antlers find his inability to correctly use a semicolon equally, if not more, offensive.

– Clancy Tripp CMC ’15

** All screenshots are property of CMCStudents.com

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