A Guide to Setting Your Tinder Radius During Alumni Weekend

 

Cuffing season is over, but the real games are just beginning. This weekend, sugar daddies and sucrose mamas will descend upon the 5Cs, and we’re here to help you navigate the perilous passage between weekend hookup and no-prenup. Please bear in mind these are only guidelines to setting your Tinder radius for getting wifed up, but be sure to credit us when it inevitably happens outside the Coop at 4am.

  • < 1 mi: At this point, are you even trying? When it says “1 sexy single in your area,” it’s probably you.
    • Hotels available in the area: Casa 425, DoubleTree Hilton Claremont,
    • What you’ll probably be getting: Alumni who are recently out of college, looking to relive their glory days. These people booked their hotels 3 year2 in advance, so don’t count on them giving you the complementary cookie when you’re drunk.
  • 1 mi: At least you’re willing to walk the Claremont mile, but your newly significant other is probably out of practice, seeing as they’re class of ‘88.
    • Hotels available in the area: Claremont Lodge, Knights Inn, Motel 6
    • What you’ll probably be getting: You’ll probably find some snooze fests here. Not because they’re boring, but mostly because they are guaranteed to be asleep by 8 PM.
  • 3 mi: Now we’re getting somewhere. You can swipe right on those start-up billionaires in the north, while also being a hungry partner of a starving artist down south.
    • Hotels available in the area: Pacific Palms Resort, Sheraton fairplex Hotel, The MIssion Inn Hotel and Spa
    • What you’ll probably be getting: A nice bottle of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. This is the high life, you absolutely are loving every second of this new lifestyle, but dont get too used to it when your sugar parent is off with your friend Jessica.
  • 5 mi: Every net will catch some debris. Watch out for those single professors.
    • Hotels available in the area: AirBnb’s and Vrbo’s
    • What you’ll probably be getting: Luxury, expect some of the best pampering you can. Do not worry about anything, because the sweetness will continue to flow in.
  • 10 mi: If you want hedge your bets, make sure you can uber over to La Verne or Redlands. The rest of SCIAC has some gems.
    • Hotels available in the area: We’re honestly not sure. Is there even life post-five miles of outside of Claremont.
    • What you’ll probably be getting: Who knows?

 

Good luck, and happy swiping.

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