From the Golden Antlers Editorial Board:
Dear Claremont community,
Over the past several years, we have delighted in the opportunity to provide the community with campus-themed satire, quizzes, and humorous videos. It has been an honor and a privilege to make you all laugh over our half-baked jokes and stupid quips about life at the 5Cs.
However, we currently find our position as the premier satire publication on campus under attack. The Student Life has recently transformed their opinions section into what can only be called a source for satire. TSL publishes daily absurd opinion articles that cannot possibly be unironic. I mean, have you read any of them?
TSL’s new role as that of a satire publication is not much unlike our own. Although TSL was once the most reputable publications on campus for breaking news and features on interesting members of the Claremont community, their recent editions have been packed with all sorts of hilarious and satirical content–even if they don’t realize it. TSL’s former opinion section is now a one-stop-shop for ridiculous half-baked opinions and stupid political stances.
TSL cannot publish articles that sound like something we wrote when we were high, and yet still expect to remain a legitimate source of news. What’s next? An opinion piece on why Coca Cola is worse than the Nazis, next to an investigative report on why ninth street smells like literal shit 24/7?
Fear not, dear GA readers. We will not be silenced or canceled by the “mighty” institution that is TSL. TSL may be trying to corner the satire market with its literally ridiculous opinion pieces, but we refuse to let our good name be tarnished.
And to TSL, we say: bring it on. Your opinion articles may remind us a lot of random things our drunk (but woke!) uncles like to yell during family dinners but are you really ready to make it in the satire world? We encourage you to do your worst. Publish any half-baked article you can get your hands on.
With love and satire,