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A Pocket Guide for how to Spend the Rest of your Flex


If you’re a lot like me, you’re probably some cheap son of a bitch, who actively avoids spending flex throughout the semester because you do not want to participate in this capitalistic society we live in. But alas, you then remember that you already are apart of this culture and that there is no escape from it. Also the fact that flex doesn’t carry over to next semester, but that’s not as important. So here are some fun ways you can spend your +$50 of flex in a week.

Buy your Professor a Motley Drink.
Nothing says “I’m grateful that I have a passing grade in your class by doing the bare minimum” like getting your professor a luke-warm latte. Best part of it is that you have so much flexibility that you don’t even care that to go cups cost extra.

Make Friends
One reason you may have a lot of flex left over is that you just didn’t have any friends to go to the Hub or Jay’s with, so you just didn’t spend anything. Take this opportunity to make some new acquaintances and offer to buy some pringles for that group of guys who go to every TNC in hopes of getting laid, but after realizing they are the only people that showed up, they leave.

Become a Flex Daddy
This one is pretty self explanatory, just don’t think that because you bought someone some gummy sharks means that they’re interested in you, they’re interested in your gummy sharks. That’s why you had to buy them gummy sharks for them to pay attention to you.

Get Really Fucking High, and Spend all your Flex on Food.
Sure this is gonna be a lot of calories, but it’s gonna be so worth it.

Give some snacks to that one kid who sits by the pond in front of the Hub who is sad because he doesn’t have flex left
I mean the satisfaction that you’ll get from this charity work is enough to temporarily lift your crushing soul from the lack of accomplishments from your mundane tasks.

Create a Flex to Venmo Exchange Rate
Use your EconAccounting ™ skills to measure the market and get real Venmo money out of your flex! You’ll also get to use an ambiguous emoji too to demonstrate this worthwhile exchange.

Sponsor a Mudder
I mean they can’t afford much on 14 dollars a week, especially since 13 of those 14 bucks are spent on coffee to survive another all nighter.

Do a Tour of Campus Eateries
If you haven’t had the opportunity to try all of the exquisite non-dining hall eateries, might as well continue to procrastinate by going to each and every single one of them. Make sure to request for their most popular item at the register before telling them “that’ll be on flex.”

Don’t Spend it
Flex is a status symbol — it’s like getting more food than you can eat at a dining hall and throwing it away just to prove that you didn’t need it or like asking your parents to be put on the 18 meal plan only to go to the dining hall 4 times a week because you eat out every other meal at Aruffo’s — but status. That’s something money can’t buy.


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