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ASCMC Declares Golden Antlers Official Campus Publication

 

In a ballsy move Monday night ASCMC’s student Senate voted to sever all ties between the CMC Forum and the ASCMC Executive Board. The proposed resolution to the constitution moved the campus publication out from under the control of the Campus Organization Chair and officially removed the Forum editor from the Executive Board.  As of Senate’s close the Forum is a publication totally independent of ASCMC, in the same way that I am totally independent of my parents but they still pay for my school, healthcare, clothes, and daily necessities.

Still, despite the fact that Forum editor Anna Kakar initiated the separation because Executive Board meeting times conflicted with her truffle salt parties, this momentous occasion clearly marks a step towards journalistic integrity. No longer will the Forum‘s writers be muzzled by Big Brother ASCMC (we hear that the author of “Five Kanye West Songs You Forgot About” was totally on Taylor Swift’s side during the 2011 VMAs! Can you say scaaaandal!) Gone are the days of blatant censorship because when it comes to serious, hard-hitting news we need to fight for our right to get the full, uncensored scoop on Lululemon obsessions (really, Ben?), pining for sexy muscle-men in Ducey, and reviewing the latest Kings of Leon album (apparently it’s on fiiiiiiiiire).

Unfortunately this dramatic change comes all too late as the only ones who even read the Forum in its final days were Golden Antlers writers looking for CMC news to satirize. Much like floppy disks, video cassettes, and not-sleeping-with-someone-on-the-first-date, the CMC Forum has been seriously outdated for years now. Said one CMC freshman who grew up on a healthy diet of Golden Antlers lies, “What’s a Forum?”

In its haste to find an official CMC campus publication (after both The Keck Journal of Foreign Affairs and The Claremont Independent turned them down) a desperate ASCMC turned to us. We are hereby proud to announce our new status as the official voice of CMC, don’t worry we promise it won’t change the way we report. (WHITE PARTY WAS A GOOD USE OF STUDENT FEES.) On behalf of all of us here at the Golden Antlers, we’re proud to represent you! (KRAVIS PRIZE, CENTER FOR INNOVATION AND ENTREPENEURSHIP, KRAVIS PRIZE).

As the voice of the stagathenas, we have been asked to nominate a student active in our leadership to attend and become a voting member in ASCMCs Exec Board meetings. Despite President Gavin Landgraf’s vehement objections (look, we’re not sorry he has the cheekbones of a Greek god, someone had to say it) a representative of our group will be present at every Sunday meeting voting, making inappropriate dick jokes, spinning in our swivelly chairs til we puke, and looking out the Kravis Boardroom windows while announcing, “soon Simba, all of this will be yours!”

Honestly though, we kinda saw this coming based on the fact that we’re getting an average of 14.2 page views per second on this article and the infamous White Party Article received about 27 views total, most of them from SAC Mark BluManGroup defending his lack of spelling skills. Said TSL editor Schmelen Schmenelson, “now if we can only take down The Antlers, people might actually start reading us!”

– Clancy Tripp CMC ’15 with joke contributions from Liat Kaplan CMC ’17, Julia Comnes SCR ’16, Dante Toppo CMC ’15, and Sam Pitcavage CMC ’15

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  1. Still trying to see how this is funny or how it was worth my time reading? The football team that you so often ridicule has been having more success on the field than this column has had at posting something funny recently…

     

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