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    5Cs Purchases License To New Zoom Breakdown Rooms


     At the risk of repeating what literally everyone has been saying for months, to the point that you want to punch someone any time they say it, 2020 sure has been a weird year. If there’s one thing you can say about the 5C administrations’ response to COVID-19, it’s that they listen to and care […] More

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    How to Show Tasteful Nudity on Zoom


     In response to coronavirus, many institutions of higher education around the world, including the 5Cs, have realized that they will need to embrace innovative solutions to deal with the problems posed by the pandemic. Since crowded classes greatly increase the chance of infection, the 5Cs have decided to start using Zoom, a group video chat […] More

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    An Apology Letter


     Now that we are back from winter break and have started the new semester, I think that this is a time that we should all reflect on some mistakes we might have made over the break. Specifically, I know that many people have to interact with racist family members during the holidays and that potentially […] More

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    Hunter Biden Joins ASCMC


     Claremont, Calif.–This morning, President Hiram Chodosh called a Press Conference to announce an exciting development within ASCMC. Former Vice-President and current Presidential nominee Joe Biden’s son, Hunter, has officially accepted a role on ASCMC. Hunter has extensive experience performing roles he is vastly underqualified for and says that he is “excited to join the team […] More

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    Why Can’t I Fuck in the Bouncy House at Pirate Party?


     Pirate Party is a sacred ceremony. A celebration of joy, established in 1348 when Claremont Men’s College was a mere infant of two years, Pirate Party holds eternal sanctity that we must all take full advantage of and bask in. Originally founded as a way to honor CMC’s primary funder and the original flex daddy […] More

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    Campus Security Starts Blog on Party Culture


     Sept 2, 2018 Campus Security is committed to fostering a positive, efficient, effervescent, ergonomic, responsible, no fun, lots of fun, fun zone for students, staff, and faculty. In an effort to establish a better rapport with the wider community, this year we’re starting a new blogging initiative to keep the community abreast of our actions […] More

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    Top 10 Things You Said You Were Going To Do, But Didn’t Over Thanksgiving


     1. Not mention politics at the dinner table Since the beginning of time, few things have been more ill advised than spurring aunt Cheryl into telling the whole family how a border wall will somehow resurrect Ronald Reagan. Instead, try discussing less contentious topics like local sports, the weather, and how thanksgiving is in essence […] More

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    5C For Sale/For Free Hall of Fame


     Join Hiram Chodosh for a wet t-shirt contest – $100 Throughout time there have been countless sex symbols from Marilyn Monroe to our glorious leader Jacksòn, but none compare to the ever-dreamy Hiram Chodash. That is why it caused unprecedented pandamonium when he offered to join him onstage for a wet t-shirt contest. Though usually […] More

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    10 Year Reunion Slowly Devolves into AA Meeting


     It started as a joyous affair. Classmates embraced each other after years of occasionally liking each other’s Facebook posts of their shitty kids. Small talk commenced about how somebody got a nose job and about how somebody tried to friend someone on HANDSHAKE last week. The football game was a blur that nobody cared about. […] More

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    The Official Unofficial GA guide to a PERM


     Trying to get into that overfilled CS5 which already has 100+ PERMs? Fear not, the Golden Antlers has prepared a list of sure-fire strategies for pushing your PERM request to the top, especially for those persnickety professors who say “sorry, the space can’t physically fit you” or “you’ve failed every prerequisite to my class.” Here they […] More