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    BREAKING: Student Health Services Uses Your Saliva As Lube


     It’s official folks. Student Health Services has finally gone too far. This plucky reporter has unearthed a criminal scheme on par with Watergate. Spitgate, if you will. Those weekly “COVID” “tests” that we’ve been “doing?” Those aren’t tests. It’s an easy way for Student Health Services to exploit our wet, sloppy, juicy, nubile, wet mouths […] More

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    Open Letter: Re: Re: Re: Give me five minutes alone with a minion


     Chris Meledandri, CEO Illumination Entertainment Santa Monica, CA  Hey Chris,  It’s me again. You haven’t responded to my emails or letters, so I guess you’ve left me with no choice but to go public. In 2008, you opened a portal to my own personal heaven. When you announced the development of Illumination Entertainment’s first film, […] More

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    OPINION: Have worms been feeling really good in your mouth lately?


     Hello. Have worms been feeling better than usual in your mouth recently? Like they feel like they belong there now? I don’t know maybe it’s just me. But I feel like it can’t be my mouth. I think it’s the worms themselves. Normally putting worms in my mouth is like: “okay, time to put worms […] More