After their biannual (every two years) meeting to discuss things about school or whatever, the presidents of the Claremont Colleges came to a unanimous decision. In a statement released at completely different times over the course of two days and across various mediums (email, crayon-written letter, and bird shit painted on the windows of the […] More
I didn’t join ROTC to serve your casual homophobia. I joined ROTC to serve my country and because I saw the United States Propaganda Film, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. But recently, it seems that instead of being treated with the respect I’m warranted as someone who is a pretend soldier, I’m being treated […] More
As we all know, the wives of presidents in this glorious nation have long held significant roles in policymaking, diplomacy, and the development of national wellness programs. Jill Biden is a milf. Melania Trump did that healthy lunch thing. Joan Rivers did that thing for people with weird voices. Laura Bush was such a silly […] More
It’s official folks. Student Health Services has finally gone too far. This plucky reporter has unearthed a criminal scheme on par with Watergate. Spitgate, if you will. Those weekly “COVID” “tests” that we’ve been “doing?” Those aren’t tests. It’s an easy way for Student Health Services to exploit our wet, sloppy, juicy, nubile, wet mouths […] More
I think I speak for everyone that the erasure we’ve seen in the past few years has been total, uncompromising, and hostile. No longer do the sweet melodies of This Unruly Mess I’ve Made caress my ears in the checkout line at the bulk poppers warehouse. When I attempted to play The Heist at my […] More
Chris Meledandri, CEO Illumination Entertainment Santa Monica, CA Hey Chris, It’s me again. You haven’t responded to my emails or letters, so I guess you’ve left me with no choice but to go public. In 2008, you opened a portal to my own personal heaven. When you announced the development of Illumination Entertainment’s first film, […] More
Hello. Have worms been feeling better than usual in your mouth recently? Like they feel like they belong there now? I don’t know maybe it’s just me. But I feel like it can’t be my mouth. I think it’s the worms themselves. Normally putting worms in my mouth is like: “okay, time to put worms […] More
Content Warning: The following article contains mentions of The Student Life (TSL). Back on the farm, Mama used to tell me that there’s only so far the mind can be pushed before it breaks. She was right, and I had to learn it the hard way. Let me start at the beginning: back in the […] More
Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.