Posts byJacksón Smith

Dear Student Life, Cease and Desist

From Infringing Our Funny Patent


 On February 3rd, the Golden Antlers informed the Student Life of their grievous behavior on February 3rd, 2018. Our request is simple: cease and desist from all funny business.  RE: Cease & Desist from Infringing Our Funny Patent Dear Student Life: We are writing you this letter to document a period of unrelenting infringement of


But actually, we are the créme de le créme of CMC’s pre-professionals


 Recently, in perhaps the most CMC-y development of all time, the Career Services Center has introduced VMock – a cutting edge artificially intelligent big data bot that will read over your resume, give it a score out of 100, and tell you that you need more action verbs.  While we appreciate the fact that Career

New Spring 2018 Course Offerings


 You may have noticed that the Course Catalog for this upcoming semester seemed a little light, and that’s because registrar completely forgot to add a couple classes before it went live. So instead of wallowing in self pity because you can’t satisfy any of your major or GE requirements, make sure to add these classes

10 Things Definitely NOT to do with the CMC email chain

We strongly condemn the usage of all emails


 Yesterday, a great gift was bestowed upon the students of CMC: the gift of responsibility. As the story goes, an unwitting sophomore accidentally emailed a survey to the entire student body without BCC-ing anyone (in laymen’s terms: he started the biggest, most lit group chat in CMC history). What followed was a glorious, shockingly funny

Jacksón, Senior For Freshman Class Prez

I’m still a freshman at heart, and maybe in credits


 The Golden Antlers would like to announce the official Golden Antler’s candidate for Freshman Class President: Jacksón Curtis Smith, senior for freshman class president. For far too long, Freshman representatives have been running the Freshman class. In a rare sequence of events, we had a chance to talk to said Jacksón, asking him hard hitting

KLI: Prepare For September 12


 At approximately 12:15 PM Thursday September 7th, KLI (that mysterious large orange backdrop to the Kube), sent an email to all CMC students containing nothing else but this photo. The Golden Antlers’ Forensics Department spent the past 76 hours on a miraculous journey to answer the question posed in this powerful advertisement: ARE YOU READY??

People Creating Dirty Google Docs and We Caught Them!

Screenshot Journalism, the only truthful tool left


 BREAKING NEWS: The Golden Antlers has just discovered a new journalistic tool dedicated to truth and excellence: Google Doc screenshotting. Here’s how it basically works: Step 1: we go to painfully great lengths to personally hijack someone’s Google account in the name of honesty. Some devious nabbers are difficult and keep their passwords secret so

Why We Trust The “Claremont Independent [sic]”

Claremont Independent Editorial, Claremont Independent-style


 Standing in solidarity with the Claremont Independent’s recent cry for help against our “censorious, bigoted, oversensitive ” “peers,” The Golden Antlers presents a letter delivered to us early this morning: From the Editorial Board Bros of the Claremont Independent: Dear closet conservatives hiding in Robert’s Pavilion and our beloved readers across the globe, there has