More stories

  • in , , , , ,

    Students Say “Neigh” to the Admission of a Horse into the Scripps Class of 2023


     Protests erupted as “Rocky Thunder Orgasm,” a show horse from Topeka, Kansas, was escorted from Scripps premises last Thursday after repeated complaints from students. The controversy followed a decision from the Scripps College Office of Admission to admit the horse after Orgasm submitted a “staggeringly high” ACT score of 5, according to Scripps Chief Admission […] More

  • in ,

    Pitzer ‘92 Beer League Team, Missing for 26 Years, Discovered Alive in the Andes Mountains


     Beer league–a Pomona-Pitzer tradition since 1776. One might describe it as “fun in the sun:” the game is slow-pitch baseball, filled to the brim with beer, bunts, bongs, Bobs, and brawls. The rules are easy–regular baseball rules, except every pitch is a strike, there are 4 strikes instead of 3, a mandatory 7th inning singing […] More

  • in , , ,

    5C Jews Say “Fuck It,” Break Fast With Pepperoni Pizza


     In a shocking discovery, The Golden Antlers has found that last week a group of Jewish students of the Claremont Colleges decided to break their 26-hour fast for Yom Kippur–the Day of Atonement–by rejecting the shackles of a kosher diet and hitting up Matt from Domino’s for some sunset za’s. The Golden Antlers learned of […] More

  • in

    Pomona First-Year Discovers That LA is Actually Nearby and That That’s Where the Train Goes


     In a discovery that has #shook the Claremont Colleges to its core, Pomona College first-year Frank Forlyfe has discovered that Pomona College is a mere thirty-three miles from the coastal city Los Angeles. The discovery came after Forlyfe and his friends were “sick of those smoothies at Collins being the highlight of their Saturday” and […] More

  • in ,

    Expat Freshman demands COCK$ Mentor Group


     Just last Monday, Francis d’Onofrio III (PO ‘21) issued an ultimatum to Pomona president Gabrielle Starr: COCK$ OR BUST. In an exclusive interview, d’Onofrio painted a stark picture of a tumultuous first month sullied by the unfamiliarity of “tasteless” beer, a mysterious activity called “soccer”, and tubular yoghurt. These confusions, explained d’Onofrio, have left him […] More