Alex Valdesuso and Julia FoodmanMay 6, 2018 Finals Killed My Sex Drive – A CMC Confession Last Sunday morning the Golden Antlers received an anonymous letter that was slid under the door of one of our fellow writers. We take it upon ourselves as the top journalistic publication at the 5C’s to make the community aware of the student’s suffering. Below is the letter. Hello I am a Junior at ClaremontCONTINUE READING
Alex Valdesuso and Jacksón Smith and Julia FoodmanMay 1, 2018 Local Sports Team’s Privilege Threatened by The Truth BREAKING – CMS Boy’s Track and Field team declared war on Student Journalism after The Student Life posted literal facts about them. The TSL’s scathing report on the infamous “Rains Scandal” a couple months ago allegedly revealed the details of the event: roaming bands of scrawny, naked men manspreading across campus and looting decorative gymCONTINUE READING
GA and Julia Foodman and Skyler AddisonApril 16, 2018 A Frank Stream of Consciousness As investigative journalists dedicated to public service, we here at the Golden Antlers have bestowed it upon ourselves to expose the true nature of Frank’s dining hall at Pomona College (Claremont, CA 91711). Here is a cesspool where normal human interaction ceases to exist but rather elicits the more carnal side of mankind. The GoldenCONTINUE READING
Isaac Roth and Julia Foodman and Megan Marshall and QuizzesApril 8, 2018 What Minor Social Interactions Say About You CONTINUE READING
Julia Foodman and Skyler AddisonMarch 25, 2018 95 Theses A Formal Entreatment for Water Fountains When our Lord and Master Gabrielle Jungles Winkler said, “water fountains are ugly, lol” (OH @ SCR), she willed the entire life of future Gabrielle Jungels Winkler Dormitory residents to be one of repentance of her disdain of logic. Scripps campus cannot be understood as physically unappealing, that is, lacking in rabid squirrels andCONTINUE READING
Julia FoodmanFebruary 25, 2018 Local Dad Gives Son, Harvey Mudd Freshman, Extremely Unrealistic Amount of Condoms SEATTLE, WA– Our sources indicate that local dad, Frank Simmons of Bellevue, has given his son, Sam, an overwhelmingly impractical number of condoms upon his return to Harvey Mudd College. At SeaTac International Airport, after a brief hug in front of terminal four, Frank returned to the car to get one last thing before heCONTINUE READING
Alex Valdesuso and Julia FoodmanFebruary 19, 2018 Your Dorm Room Decorations Are Actually Really Problematic, and Here’s Why The Official Guide For Scripps College Students Look, I get it. You want to take a cute pic of your newly decorated dorm and post it on the IG and show Bria from high school that you know how to decorate. But honestly, you can’t do that without really evaluating the real world implications of your decor. Your intentions might be goodCONTINUE READING
Julia FoodmanFebruary 12, 2018 5 Best Ways To Fill The Loveless Void In Your Life: The Official Claremont Colleges Edition Do you go to the Claremont Colleges? Do you feel a sense of unfathomable loneliness that threatens to swallow your existence into a hole of pure darkness whenever you leave the wallowy cave known as your single dorm room that you originally wanted because you thought you’d be fucking on the daily but you haven’tCONTINUE READING
Alex Valdesuso and Allie Pitchon and GA and Jacksón Smith and Julia Foodman and Milo Kremer and Sam PetersonFebruary 6, 2018 18 Reasons the CMS Track and Field Team Could Have Gotten Disbanded Brought to you by capital-J Journalists Look, we get it. Everybody fucks up once in a while. But it takes a lot to get your whole team suspended indefinitely. So what could have happened this weekend that actually caused the CMS Track and Field team to get temporarily shut down? Step aside, TSL, and let the capital-J Journalists do some investigativeCONTINUE READING
