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    In Lieu of Iconic Green Cap and Gown, Scripps College to Send Each Senior a Hanes Men’s Comfort Fit Undershirt 3-Pack


     Fear not, Scripps Class of 2021! Although seniors will not be receiving the traditional sage green cap and gown, Scripps administration has come up with a much more exciting and innovative alternative: a Hanes Men’s Comfort Fit Classic White Undershirt 3-Pack.  Scripps College has remained incredibly transparent throughout the whole process, announcing their inability to […] More

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    Report: Not Just CMC Men Are Shitty


     Newly released federal reports indicate that while men who attend Claremont McKenna College in Claremont, California are still really shitty, new sources demonstrate that other men are actually just as shitty. In fact, oftentimes, they are more shitty: the reports have proven that regardless of whether a man attends Claremont McKenna, Pitzer, Pomona, or Harvey […] More

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    From the White House: “Due to Travel Restrictions, Coup was Hosted at Home This Year “


     WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Wednesday, January 6, 2021, alt-right terrorists descended on the nation’s capitol building in a shocking coup nobody saw coming except people who read the news or the people who publicly organized it. While American coups are typically staged overseas or at least a thousand miles south of Washington D.C., Americans are […] More

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    Counting Down Our 20 Favorite Moments of 2020


     “Another year, another dollar!” That’s what we say here at The Golden Antlers. At least, that’s what we used to say before our previous Editor in Chief got us banned from Google AdSense after running a clickfarm in middle school. Now, it’s “another year, same dollar as last time.” Oh boy, what a year it […] More

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    Equality Win! Pitzer College Professors Are Now Required to Live With Their Parents


     Following increasing pressure from the Pitzer College student body, President Herman Melville Oliver Twist announced three weeks ago that his administration has made the formal decision to require all professors to move back in with their parents. Student activists have been mobilizing all semester to put increased pressure on their college’s administration for this enormous […] More

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    The Golden Antlers’ 2020 Election Endorsements


     For a long time (eight years and one week!), we know you have relied on us for all your opinions about everything in your life, and politics is no different. Thus, we have taken it upon ourselves to compile a list of endorsements for those voting in the Claremont area and beyond. Remember, if you […] More

  • McKinsey Loves Blacks
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    Op-Ed: Sorry I Haven’t Been Participating in the BLM Movement, My McKinsey Internship is Taking Up All My Time.


     By Guest Author Jenna Side, Class of 2021 I want to preface this article with the following: I am absolutely an anti-capitalist feminist. I study at a prestigious liberal arts college that teaches me how to question the world around me and offers exceptional opportunities: that’s how I got this job at McKinsey & Company. […] More

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    Why Didn’t You Share Our Last Article?


     Reports indicate that you, a “devoted” fan of The Golden Antlers, failed to share our last article. Not that it matters, but this information certainly is very interesting, considering the level of relevance it held to your life and the out-loud chuckles that escaped you whilst reading it. But alas, you did not repost it […] More

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    Hey, Are You Free to Get Lunch?


     Hey, I just got to Mallot, looking for a table now. There’s like nowhere to sit. Oh, wait, nevermind. I’m in that room in the front, like, it’s to the East. If you look at the mountains you’ll know which way east is because they’re north, can you please hurry up I see Lillian rounding […] More

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