Posts byRachel Alaynick

CMC Increases Military Spending

 

 In a leaked budget for the 2018 – 2019 academic year, CMC projects an increase in military spending from $205,000 to $2.3 million. President Chodosh admits that the budget was first expanded to purchase drones, which arose from a misunderstanding. Several undercover agents had reported to the CMC administration that students were playing with drones
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Pitzer Sophomore Struggling With Beastiality Receives Support Animal

 

 After 3 years of therapy for his recurring beastiality urges, Pitzer sophomore, Gregory MacIntyre, received approval for his own support cat: Jenkins. Gregory hand-selected Jenkins, an orange tabby, from the ASPCA shelter. He says the selection process took 3 months, as he had to ensure “the redhead vibe was right, y’know?” Claremont students have expressed
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