Cuffing season is over, but the real games are just beginning. This weekend, sugar daddies and sucrose mamas will descend upon the 5Cs, and we’re here to help you navigate the perilous passage between weekend hookup and no-prenup. Please bear in mind these are only guidelines to setting your Tinder radius for getting wifed up, […] More
Look, we get it. Everybody fucks up once in a while. But it takes a lot to get your whole team suspended indefinitely. So what could have happened this weekend that actually caused the CMS Track and Field team to get temporarily shut down? Step aside, TSL, and let the capital-J Journalists do some investigative […] More
On February 3rd, the Golden Antlers informed the Student Life of their grievous behavior on February 3rd, 2018. Our request is simple: cease and desist from all funny business. RE: Cease & Desist from Infringing Our Funny Patent Dear Student Life: We are writing you this letter to document a period of unrelenting infringement of […] More
It is clear that Pomona’s favorite dining hall is King Kong Sushi, (obviously based on proximity), but every once in awhile in line, you can hear the faint murmurs of a freshman asking “Why don’t we ever go to Pitzer to eat?” and the scrowled response of “It’s not that good.” However, that time finally […] More
Earlier this week, some esteemed GA writers composed thoughtful, articulate, and useful guidelines to using Prezi to improve your performance and avoid prematurely finishing your presentations. We have received thoughtful, articular, and useful feedback on these guidelines, and want to follow up on this piece. Guys, we understand that the first few weeks of the […] More
It’s week 1 of your FHS. Your professor has already assigned 4 papers, 7 chapters of reading, and 3 presentations, all due in 2 days. With your 18 institute applications, internship essays for junior year, and plethora of thesis ideas you already have, how will you ever manage to get it all done? Fear not, […] More
Disclaimer: We at the Golden Antlers are capital-J Journalists. We would never stoop to the level of reporting that merely focused on hypermasculine, heteronormative phallus jokes. Now let’s get out there and make a difference! Look, we haven’t commented on the sculpture outside Collins until now because we thought most of the dick jokes would […] More
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We at the Golden Antlers know this time of year can be daunting for new students. We’ve all been there before: trying to find our way to classes, “accidentally” eating brownies for the first time, and deciding which shade of salmon short best matches our boat shoes. To help you guys with this transition, we’ve […] More
Welcome to CMC, youths. We know this can be a trying time as you juggle 12 institute applications with your love of Russian ballet, coding, and your pending Goldman internship, which is why we’ve decided to take pity and explain how to relax occasionally and join our high-functioning institution. We have meetings on Tuesdays. 6:01 […] More
As the historic California drought enters its fourth year, all Claremont Colleges are considering ways to drastically reduce water usage. New surveys report that over 80% of Pomona, Pitzer, Scripps, and Harvey Mudd students care deeply about reducing their water footprint. Comprehensive analyses of CMC’ers, however, reveals they “don’t really give a fuck.” This made […] More
On Wednesday night, for the first time since Reagan announced his candidacy for the papacy, the CMC power grid spontaneously short-circuited as the student body allegedly turned on 1,083 televisions simultaneously at 5pm. “Today is a date which will live in infamy. We had been warned by the grounds crew that this sort of […] More
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