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Whoa! Genius alert! Sound the IQ alarm! I can’t believe you’re taking a hard class with a hard professor this semester! And you knew that when you signed up for it! We are unworthy, oh cerebral one! I just can’t wait for the next time we grab lunch after our 12:15 class, and you explain […] More
Did you know that every member of The Golden Antlers sleeps in the same bed at night? That’s what makes us uniquely qualified to give the rest of you advice on how to cohabitate like a boss. Follow these rules and you and your roommate will be besties for the resties – and if all […] More
Awww, poor wittle baby wants aiw conditioning. Listen up, idiot, The Almighty and All-Knowing Pomona College is a serious institution with serious priorities, and student health and safety is bottom of the list. We’re sorry you’re too soft for our concrete dorm ovens, but it’s not like we have an exuberant amount of wealth that […] More
This past week, as the new fleet of freshmen moved into their new homes in sunny Claremont, California, ready to begin their college experience with one of the many orientation adventures offered by the college, inclement weather put an abrupt end to the originally planned week of activities. Pitzer College, being the versatile institution they […] More
Suzanne Keen has finally bowed to the pressure of shuttlecock politics at the 5Cs. After her historic resignation, the 10th president of Scripps College went on to highlight her fractious relationship with the badminton community. “Frankly, it’s gone too far—there’s violence everywhere. Can’t step a foot without skidding over the remains of shuttlecock shootouts. I […] More
From Guest Author Anna Fender Since its founding in 1946 as Claremont Men’s College, CMC has been an institution known for its inclusivity, ever since they started admitting women in the 1970s. CMC has been trailblazing ever since. The most recent development is sure to make the not at all sexist or problematic CMC founders […] More
Pitzer College recently illegally fired three dining service workers for being pro-union. When asked for justification, they stated “because we can, na na na na boo boo,” and President Strom Thacker affirmed this message by blowing a raspberry and clapping his hands like a happy toddler. In an exclusive interview with the Golden Antlers, one […] More
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As we all know, you are horny. As a result, it’s no surprise that 75%of the population can be found on everyone’s favorite sex app: Tinder. As someone who has never been in a relationship before and has spent two full hours devoted to meeting men on Tinder, here is a comprehensive list of the […] More
Fall is in the air, and that means for many, it’s time to trade pool parties for Netflix parties and regular human interaction for your bong and a loaf of pumpkin bread. But for introverts in sunny Southern California, it can be hard to show people that just because you look good, doesn’t mean you […] More
Hey bestie! We NEED to grab a meal one of these days it’s been so long since our freshman year orientation trip, which is when we last spoke. I’ll never forget what we got into at LACMA – #gopapaya #teamgoofy hahaha! Listen oomfie… You know I love you, but I kinda wanted to bring […] More
We all come to college with the biggest fear that our roommate is a worm, and in the event, we often delude ourselves into thinking that they just like eating dirt in the corner, shitting out of both buttholes at once. No longer, for I am here to provide you with a useful guide on […] More
Pomona freshman Antonio Miller just wants to know, “Where the hoes at?” After getting catfished this summer by a fake Maggie Lindemann Tinder account, Miller put “acquire real big tiddy goth girlfriend” at the top of his college to-do list–pushing “first kiss” to the number two spot. He began his search for “someone to […] More
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