Our students take inner-tube water polo more seriously than our smarterness and most of our girls could outbench the Pomona football team. J Nauls and the Dean of Students office help us out-sport the competition by subsidizing our protein shakes, fan clubs and anabolic steroids as long as we bring receipts and agree to go to the damn hub quiz.
Its common knowledge that we dominate the lesser known sports such as Football, Basketball, and Soccer, but our D1 athletes all agree that the Beer Pong team members are the real kings of this school.
Walking with the type of swagger that only a high school state champ and self-proclaimed “WOAbie slayer,” could pull off, senior Pong star Davi Douchedinski comments, “I am the SCIAC’s.”
Claremont School of Theology student and self-described DJ IN2ITION groupie, Nick Weiss, furthers, “ So I sleep with four members of the Pong Team and suddenly I’m a slut??”
Here at The Golden Antlers, we promise to keep you up to date with all the happenings in the CMC Beirut world. From fantasy updates to sweet merch, (shit yeah we have tanks…) it’s all here. In case you GDI’s forgot, we have a list of pretty standard CMC house rules for you.
1. “The Gann”- Once per game a player may not pull a cup and say they did. If discovered by the other team, said player can either admit their crime and drink the cup, or “Pull a Vos” and make their partner drink up.
2. “The Tell Your Mom I Said Hi”- At any point in the competition, a player can point to anyone in the room, and if the cup is made, that person must tell their mom that the shooter says hello.
3. “The Dean Spellman Flasher Email”- This classic move involves flashing ones private parts in an effort to distract the other team’s shooters. This old-timer move is a favorite of most tenured professors and the dining hall staff.
4. If you show up with a ping-pong paddle we will hurt your family.
5. “The Scrippsie”- For one turn players may build a wall (up to 1 ft high) in front of their cups in order to block opposing teams shots. If the cup is still made, the team that was scored on must whistle loudly until their next turn.
6. “High Stakes”- Losing team gets ponded……… in The Kube water.
7. “The Naked Safari” – You don’t get a re-rack, first you suck. Second, enjoy prancing around the dorm doing your best naked safari animal impression. Giraffes, Elephants and Hippos, we see you…
8. If it’s not lukewarm Keystone or Natty, we don’t play.
1. “Pitzer Pasta Bar”- A straight line of 8 cups or more.
2. “The ASCMC”- A gov major favorite, talk a lot about the best strategy, but don’t actually move anything. This is an advanced technique and should not be used by freshmen or Pomona Students.
3. “The Liberal Arts”- Spread the cups out in unrelated and impractical ways and claim you like shooting for the sake of shooting. Shoot everywhere and just go for whatever feels right.
4. “The Pomona College” -Form the first letter of whatever Ivy League school you claim to have turned down to attend Pomona. HYP are the most common.
– Ender Wiggin ’15 CMC