It is with great fear for our ever-weakening democracy that we, The Golden Antlers, release the alarming news that Match Claremont has been discovered to be a front for Russian bots. Like many other Russian bot Facebook pages, Match Claremont attempted to lure innocent Claremont students into a false sense of security by directly imitating the highly regarded annual love-making survey, Claremont Datamatch.
The masterminds behind Match Claremont tricked their victims into entering their personal information so that their “AI technology” and “psychological profiles” and “definitely NOT a spreadsheet that will be sent straight to Moscow” can match them with their true love. Respondents were asked to provide their hometown, major, favorite Motley drink, and social security number whereas Claremont Datamatch only asks for the last four digits of your social security number.
It goes without saying that this data will almost certainly be used to meddle in the 2020 U.S. presidential elections. Authorities have indicated that these hackers had also been hired by President Tiedans to defeat Universal Pass in the Scripps Faculty vote as well as by at least 17 Pomona students to gain an advantage in the ASPC elections.
Authorities advise students to avoid giving personal information to any group that isn’t represented by a metallic external mammalian bone structure. Additionally, students are advised to practice heightened caution when interacting with A Capella clubs because “although they have yet to be directly linked to Match Claremont, the whole thing definitely has an A Cappella vibe.”