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    More Like Cuck Science Center: Which One of You Nerds Fucked My Wife?


     Alright eggheads–the jig is up. It’s time to put down your stethoscopes and your microscopes and your lab-coats and turn your attention to me, because I have Demands and I will not rest until they have been answered. Last night I discovered incontrovertible evidence of a sordid affair. In my own marital bed, the very […] More

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    Scripps College Solves Housing Crisis with Storage Pod Dorms


     Scripps College Residential Life has managed to creatively solve its persistent housing crisis once and for all in a logical and simple way: by providing Storage Pods for students to live in! Students have been raving about their single-dorm buildings. “My bed almost fits inside, which isn’t that bad of a deal,” Amy Braggard ‘21 […] More

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    Campus Security Starts Blog on Party Culture


     Sept 2, 2018 Campus Security is committed to fostering a positive, efficient, effervescent, ergonomic, responsible, no fun, lots of fun, fun zone for students, staff, and faculty. In an effort to establish a better rapport with the wider community, this year we’re starting a new blogging initiative to keep the community abreast of our actions […] More

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    5C Jews Say “Fuck It,” Break Fast With Pepperoni Pizza


     In a shocking discovery, The Golden Antlers has found that last week a group of Jewish students of the Claremont Colleges decided to break their 26-hour fast for Yom Kippur–the Day of Atonement–by rejecting the shackles of a kosher diet and hitting up Matt from Domino’s for some sunset za’s. The Golden Antlers learned of […] More

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    CMC Pre-Professional Club Guide to Freshman Initiation


     Claremont McKenna College boasts an array of (supposedly) prestigious pre-professional clubs and research institutes that first-year students are encouraged to apply to, not because of their great impact on one’s resume, but because they do great work in their field. Despite CMC’s synergistic nature, a customizable, streamlined process for their initiation into this elite realm […] More

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    Where Did Your Scripps College Tuition Go?


     Dear Scripps College Community, Recently, we have received many inquiries as to where students’ tuition is being utilized on our campus, as $72,956.00 doesn’t even allow for buildings that only have classrooms in them. We can assure you that your entire life savings plus another lifetime of debt is going to your elite education, incredible […] More

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    5 Ways to Keep from Sucking his Dick when he Mentions David Foster Wallace


     If you’re a woman at the 5Cs, you know the feeling. You’re talking to a Pomona guy– maybe he’s a casual acquaintance, a friend, a tinder date, your CS partner– and everything is going swimmingly. But then the conversation turns towards literature, and that familiar anxiety swells up in your gut. He begins, “have you […] More

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    Finals Killed My Sex Drive – A CMC Confession


     Last Sunday morning the Golden Antlers received an anonymous letter that was slid under the door of one of our fellow writers. We take it upon ourselves as the top journalistic publication at the 5C’s to make the community aware of the student’s suffering. Below is the letter. Hello I am a Junior at Claremont […] More

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    Going Strange


     Going Strange: A Documentary Produced by Nova Quaoser & Jacksón Smith This all started when I was approached by a representative of a different organization who called themselves “the Visitors.”They told me that after the ASCMC scandal of 2014 they had formed to combat the Strangers cronyism on campus. They provided the vast majority of […] More

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    Pomona First-Year Discovers That LA is Actually Nearby and That That’s Where the Train Goes


     In a discovery that has #shook the Claremont Colleges to its core, Pomona College first-year Frank Forlyfe has discovered that Pomona College is a mere thirty-three miles from the coastal city Los Angeles. The discovery came after Forlyfe and his friends were “sick of those smoothies at Collins being the highlight of their Saturday” and […] More

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