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    Administration Releases New Hunting Guidelines for 2019 Prospie Season

     

     This morning at 8 AM, the Dean of Students office at Claremont McKenna College released the 2019 rules and guidelines for this upcoming Open Prospie Season. This weekend marks the annual Prospectostudentante migration, a weekend long period where more than 500 Prospectostudentantes will trek through the consortium, grazing upon the natural resources of the land […] More

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    Pomona College Adds Simlish Language Table at Oldenborg Center

     

     This past week, Pomona College announced that they will be adding a new language table at Oldenborg Center for students who are interested in conversing in Simlish, the official language of the Sims. In the announcement, Pomona states their decision comes from “an overwhelming amount of support from students who want to learn the challenging, […] More

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    Girl from Seattle Reminds Everyone that She’s Used to the Rain

     

     POMONA COLLEGE – Since the rain started last week, Pomona sophomore Ryan Talbot has not stopped reminding all her friends about the fact that she’s from Seattle and that she’s used to this weather. Having lived in the PNW her whole life, the rain reminds her of home. “Being from Seattle, I used to eating, […] More

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    Where Did Your Scripps College Tuition Go?

     

     Dear Scripps College Community, Recently, we have received many inquiries as to where students’ tuition is being utilized on our campus, as $72,956.00 doesn’t even allow for buildings that only have classrooms in them. We can assure you that your entire life savings plus another lifetime of debt is going to your elite education, incredible […] More

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    Sophomore Discovers that the Number of JUULS he Owns Doesn’t Define Him

     

     Over the weekend, CMC sophomore Tommy took a “fat bong rip” while hanging out with friends and talking about their summers. After minutes of showing his friends all his “sick vape vids” that he and his “back-home squad” filmed, he started to realize they don’t actually care. He then took another hit out of the […] More

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    Finals Killed My Sex Drive – A CMC Confession

     

     Last Sunday morning the Golden Antlers received an anonymous letter that was slid under the door of one of our fellow writers. We take it upon ourselves as the top journalistic publication at the 5C’s to make the community aware of the student’s suffering. Below is the letter. Hello I am a Junior at Claremont […] More

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    Girl Diagnosed with FOMO after Missing Pirate Party

     

     Scripps sophomore Gemmi Blek was one of few who missed Pirate Party this past weekend. After forgetting to get her wristband 6 meals in a row from Collins last week, she realized that she would not be able to get into the party of the year. “Collins sucks, I never go there. That’s why I […] More

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    Local Sports Team’s Privilege Threatened by The Truth

     

     BREAKING – CMS Boy’s Track and Field team declared war on Student Journalism after The Student Life posted literal facts about them. The TSL’s scathing report on the infamous “Rains Scandal” a couple months ago allegedly revealed the details of the event: roaming bands of scrawny, naked men manspreading across campus and looting decorative gym […] More

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    A Guide to Setting Your Tinder Radius During Alumni Weekend

     

     Cuffing season is over, but the real games are just beginning. This weekend, sugar daddies and sucrose mamas will descend upon the 5Cs, and we’re here to help you navigate the perilous passage between weekend hookup and no-prenup. Please bear in mind these are only guidelines to setting your Tinder radius for getting wifed up, […] More

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    Dear The Student Life: Fuck You

     

     March 5, 2018 Dear the Student Life, Fuck you. We here at the Golden Antlers are disgusted by your behavior, actually not disgusted, we’re infuriated by your behavior. We try so fucking hard to get your attention, we’ve written numerous articles and letters addressed to you, we’ve influenced school elections, and we even gave the […] More

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    CMC Student to Marry Trust Fund at Wedding Party

     

     Every year CMC holds this glorious event known as wedding party without actually marrying anybody; but, 2018 marks the year that changes. CMC junior Jake Miller will be marrying his Trust Fund that his father made for him 8 years before he was born. “Yeah I’m super excited for this new chapter in my life. […] More

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