Category: Bingo Pajamas

Why We Trust The “Claremont Independent [sic]”

Claremont Independent Editorial, Claremont Independent-style


 Standing in solidarity with the Claremont Independent’s recent cry for help against our “censorious, bigoted, oversensitive ” “peers,” The Golden Antlers presents a letter delivered to us early this morning: From the Editorial Board Bros of the Claremont Independent: Dear closet conservatives hiding in Robert’s Pavilion and our beloved readers across the globe, there has

Weeks After the Rankings, #1 College Pomona Emotionally Burdened

Students take refuge in #76 Pitzer College


 The aftershock of Pomona College’s number 1 ranking has manifested itself in the behaviors of the reluctantly perfect students. Hundreds of gifted Sagehens now feel unsafe on their home turf, constantly being reminded by the manicured lawns and historic architecture that their college is #1 in the country. “It’s really hard being number one,” says

Activists Argue That All Human Languages are Inherently Biased Social Constructs


 Campus progressives have identified their latest target for reform: all forms of verbal communication. The new group, who self-identifies as “__________,” recently launched a 5C-wide campaign designed to bring awareness to the structural inequality that results from using vocal chords. The campaign consists mostly of flyers covered with incomprehensible scribbles and hopes to spread the

The Golden Antlers Presents: Cards Against The Claremont Colleges


 You didn’t know you needed it, but now you’re not sure if you can live without it:  finally The Golden Antlers has produced our very own expansion pack for your favorite party game Cards Against Humanity.  For those of you who don’t know, Cards Against Humanity is a terrible game for horrible people.  It’s like