More stories

  • Kravis and Roberts as Two Turkeys
    in , , ,

    Kravis and Roberts Don’t See What’s So Bad About Thanksgiving


      PALM BEACH, FL — In an unexpected press conference, Henry Kravis and George Roberts recently stated that they, “don’t see what’s so bad about Thanksgiving.” The duo, clad in matching turkey-print pajamas in the queen-sized bed they share at their Florida vacation home, were apparently taken with the “Thanksgiving Spirit,” and chose to “set […] More

  • in

    Angela Davis Not Getting Into Heaven After Upstaging Jesus’ Ath Talk


     “What the hell?” Jesus was heard saying to an almost-empty Ath this Thursday. “I am literally Jesus. What could possibly have drawn the throngs away from witnessing my miracles live and in-person?” He lamented, dejectedly putting his top hat and rabbit back in His magic kit.  At first Jesus thought it was rampant atheism at […] More

  • in , , ,

    Commemorate the Patriarchy with CMC’s Retro Apparel Line


     Finally Claremont McKenna has answered the age-old question, “How can we say we hate having women at our school, but make sure we still get their tuition money?” To celebrate Claremont McKenna’s 75th anniversary, the CMC supply shop now features a “retro line” of clothing and accessories honoring the glorious and objectively putrid era before […] More