Jacksón S
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ASCMC Kills Arbor Day Rager, Future Generations
It was the shot heard all around CMC; a student proposed TNC event— highly anticipated Arbor Day countdown rager to be held on April 26th— was killed by a member of the ASCMC Executive Board for being “stupid.” Arbor Day, an international holiday celebrating the sanctity of trees, reverberates intellect. Only a simpleton of considerable proportions […] More
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18 Reasons the CMS Track and Field Team Could Have Gotten Disbanded
Look, we get it. Everybody fucks up once in a while. But it takes a lot to get your whole team suspended indefinitely. So what could have happened this weekend that actually caused the CMS Track and Field team to get temporarily shut down? Step aside, TSL, and let the capital-J Journalists do some investigative […] More
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Dear Student Life, Cease and Desist
On February 3rd, the Golden Antlers informed the Student Life of their grievous behavior on February 3rd, 2018. Our request is simple: cease and desist from all funny business. RE: Cease & Desist from Infringing Our Funny Patent Dear Student Life: We are writing you this letter to document a period of unrelenting infringement of […] More
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A Pocket Guide for how to Spend the Rest of your Flex
If you’re a lot like me, you’re probably some cheap son of a bitch, who actively avoids spending flex throughout the semester because you do not want to participate in this capitalistic society we live in. But alas, you then remember that you already are apart of this culture and that there is no escape […] More
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in Brendan Busch, GA, Jacksón S
AI RANKS OUR RESUME BEST IN SCHOOL
Recently, in perhaps the most CMC-y development of all time, the Career Services Center has introduced VMock – a cutting edge artificially intelligent big data bot that will read over your resume, give it a score out of 100, and tell you that you need more action verbs. While we appreciate the fact that Career […] More
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New Spring 2018 Course Offerings
You may have noticed that the Course Catalog for this upcoming semester seemed a little light, and that’s because registrar completely forgot to add a couple classes before it went live. So instead of wallowing in self pity because you can’t satisfy any of your major or GE requirements, make sure to add these classes […] More
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Last Minute Halloweekend Costumes
Halloweekend is approaching fast and let’s be honest, you haven’t put together three costumes yet for every night of regret. We here at the Golden Antlers understand that you don’t want to do a cliche outfit like a cat, lifeguard, or even the overused trash bag. So here’s a list of completely easy to make […] More
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10 Things Definitely NOT to do with the CMC email chain
Yesterday, a great gift was bestowed upon the students of CMC: the gift of responsibility. As the story goes, an unwitting sophomore accidentally emailed a survey to the entire student body without BCC-ing anyone (in laymen’s terms: he started the biggest, most lit group chat in CMC history). What followed was a glorious, shockingly funny […] More
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in Alex V, Jacksón S, Natalie Brown
Where the Fuck is Oldenborg?: A Pocket Guide for Seniors Who Still Don’t Know Where Things are After 3 Years
I know what you’re thinking, “I’ve been here for so long already, after spending 3 years in Claremont, I know I can draw an exact map of each of the campuses and include the topography and geographical coordinates of important buildings on it.” But we all know that you spent too many nights crawling around […] More
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in Harvey Mudd, Jacksón S, Milo K
5C For Sale/For Free: Build Me a Bar
Dear Mudder, I have an engineering project for you. Of course, I would build it myself but I’m already exhausted after envisioning, designing, and asking for it. Plus, my dad just dropped me a fat check for $5k for the weekend. Let’s just say I think we can work out a Pareto efficient trade: I’m […] More
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in Alex V, Jacksón S, Sam Peterson
The Golden Antlers Presents: The Great Prezi Party
It’s week 1 of your FHS. Your professor has already assigned 4 papers, 7 chapters of reading, and 3 presentations, all due in 2 days. With your 18 institute applications, internship essays for junior year, and plethora of thesis ideas you already have, how will you ever manage to get it all done? Fear not, […] More
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50 Shades of Blacked Out
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