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    Pomona College Adds Simlish Language Table at Oldenborg Center


     This past week, Pomona College announced that they will be adding a new language table at Oldenborg Center for students who are interested in conversing in Simlish, the official language of the Sims. In the announcement, Pomona states their decision comes from “an overwhelming amount of support from students who want to learn the challenging, […] More

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    Mudder Codes Price-Checker for 5C For Sale/For Free


     Harvey Mudd freshman Sheldon Meyers thought he was well-acquainted with the overall Claremont student body’s blind classism– until he stumbled upon a posting in 5C For Free/For Sale. “A CMC-er was trying to sell a messy conglomeration of undesirable used items ranging from a half-empty bottle of Neutrogena face wash to a dirty shower caddy. […] More

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    CMC Launches Annual Parasol Pop-Up Shop


     Record breaking heat waves this year have prompted CMCers to churn that entrepreneurial spirit of theirs into an exciting new capitalist venture: customizable parasols! While the other 4C’s may hurl churlish remarks about CMC’s pre-professional pretension, an overwhelming number of CMC students have come to the initiative’s defense. “My electric scooter already has a built […] More

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    CMC Pre-Professional Club Guide to Freshman Initiation


     Claremont McKenna College boasts an array of (supposedly) prestigious pre-professional clubs and research institutes that first-year students are encouraged to apply to, not because of their great impact on one’s resume, but because they do great work in their field. Despite CMC’s synergistic nature, a customizable, streamlined process for their initiation into this elite realm […] More

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    A Dickensian Recollection of Ath Tea


     It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Emboldened the sacred duty of handling the treasured Ath Tea tray, gluttonously overflowing with plump chocolate covered strawberries  and other miscellaneous baked goods that, comparatively, no one gives a shit about, I shudder at the girth of my responsibility. It’s 2:20, ten minutes […] More

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    A Frank Stream of Consciousness


     As investigative journalists dedicated to public service, we here at the Golden Antlers have bestowed it upon ourselves to expose the true nature of Frank’s dining hall at Pomona College (Claremont, CA 91711).  Here is a cesspool where normal human interaction ceases to exist but rather elicits the more carnal side of mankind. The Golden […] More

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    ASCMC Kills Arbor Day Rager, Future Generations


     It was the shot heard all around CMC; a student proposed TNC event— highly anticipated Arbor Day countdown rager to be held on April 26th— was killed by a member of the ASCMC Executive Board for being “stupid.” Arbor Day, an international holiday celebrating the sanctity of trees, reverberates intellect. Only a simpleton of considerable proportions […] More

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    95 Theses


      When our Lord and Master Gabrielle Jungles Winkler said, “water fountains are ugly, lol” (OH @ SCR), she willed the entire life of future Gabrielle Jungels Winkler Dormitory residents to be one of repentance of her disdain of logic. Scripps campus cannot be understood as physically unappealing, that is, lacking in rabid squirrels and […] More

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    ASCMC Hires Actors as Stand-Ins for TNC


     Older students of CMC often claim that the acquisition of “Thursday Night Club” by ASCMC resulted in its slow but definitive demise. As the only college with bureaucratically regulated underage drinking, ASCMC stipulates that all TNC events comply with DOS safety guidelines. Students attribute these rules to a stifling of organic party culture, such as […] More

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    Welcoming Officer Red Dogg


     This past month, Campus Security welcomed a new member to the force: Officer Red Dogg. With the 5C faculty’s lack of diversity drawing complaints, Dogg’s hiring marks an improvement upon Camp Sec’s currently 100% Homo sapien makeup. With a keen sense of scent perfect for tracking down kids smoking on the Pomona trails and the […] More

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    People My Grandma Thinks Should Speak at the Ath


     My grandma is absolutely thrilled that I’m at CMC. She sees it as a “wonderful educational opportunity,” where I’m going to “grow into the adult that I’m destined to become.” Her favorite part about the college, though, is the Athenaeum. She always calls me just to tell me about the people she thinks would be […] More