The 5Cs have unveiled their plans for the Spring 2021 semester due to mounting pressure from students and parents and the idea of losing any more money during the COVID-19 pandemic. Pitzer College plans to have students sleep out on the Mounds in hammocks spaced six feet apart so as to maintain social distancing. “Pitzer […] More
Following increasing pressure from the Pitzer College student body, President Herman Melville Oliver Twist announced three weeks ago that his administration has made the formal decision to require all professors to move back in with their parents. Student activists have been mobilizing all semester to put increased pressure on their college’s administration for this enormous […] More
The following is a letter obtained by The Golden Antlers investigative reporting staff. It came into our possession because Campus Security has sincere faith in our top-notch journalism skills and so they personally entrusted us with conveying this message to the Claremont Community, not because we were on campus and found it taped, 95 theses-like, […] More
We’ve all had one of those late, sleepless nights where we just can’t stop venting about dumb shit no one cares about like Big Mouth’s animation style, why cell phones are more toxic than wildfires, why Ke$ha’s lyrics tick us off, or something that is a well-known fact that you just realized like a virtual […] More
Ha! Made you look lol XD More
Earlier this week, Scripps College announced that they would move forward in the process of getting rid of all our shit. In a characteristically awful move, Scripps has now forced students to decide between having all of their belongings shipped to their home residence or donated. Fearing for their possessions which have been in storage […] More
It is with great fear for our ever-weakening democracy that we, The Golden Antlers, release the alarming news that Match Claremont has been discovered to be a front for Russian bots. Like many other Russian bot Facebook pages, Match Claremont attempted to lure innocent Claremont students into a false sense of security by directly imitating […] More
In response to coronavirus, many institutions of higher education around the world, including the 5Cs, have realized that they will need to embrace innovative solutions to deal with the problems posed by the pandemic. Since crowded classes greatly increase the chance of infection, the 5Cs have decided to start using Zoom, a group video chat […] More
What’s up, dog?! The name’s Mama, Joe Mama. Ha-ha, sorry, I just had to start off with a James Bond quote! I’m going to be writing for the TSL this year, so without further ado, here is my bio for the website: I’ve spent the last two years at the school of business at Nunya […] More
Once there was a tree. And she loved a little boy (which really should have been the first red flag). And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves. And make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches […] More
Campus Security published the following statement Monday morning in response to the frightening levels of ambulances that visited campus this past weekend: Parents and Students, We apologize for the unfortunate and unscheduled on-campus events that happened over Parents Weekend, a tradition of utmost importance to us here at the 5Cs. We have heard your complaints […] More
Well, it’s that time of year again, folks. Datamatch is here. Putting yourself out there can be hard, but don’t worry–we’ve got your back. First things first, this advice is only for people who either did not participate last year (and therefore have not found the love of their life via Datamatch) or participated last […] More
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