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    13 Foolproof Lies to Get Your Parents to Send You Money for Alcohol


     At the lovely Claremont Colleges, artistic passions span every genre: erotic bookbinding, smearing feces on canvas, or whatever writing Fuck the Golden Antlers on the freedom wall was. But the one creative endeavor we all will pursue during our time here is a delicate dance of trickery followed by immense guilt: getting your hardworking parents […] More

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    An Apology Letter


     Now that we are back from winter break and have started the new semester, I think that this is a time that we should all reflect on some mistakes we might have made over the break. Specifically, I know that many people have to interact with racist family members during the holidays and that potentially […] More

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    How to Describe Your Tiny, Irrelevant Private School When You Go Home for Fall Break


     We have come up with some ways for you to humblebrag about the incomparable Claremont Colleges to your parent’s colleagues, your grandmother, or Nick from senior year literature class who told everyone you were sleeping with the teacher. Fuck you Nick, at least I know what statutory consent is. About as many people know where […] More

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    Build Your Own ‘Ath Question Filibuster’: a How-to Guide


     Ath season is upon us, and the savviest of us know that the Q&A following the talk is where to really make your mark. Do you admire those inefficient, braggadocious fucks who seem to innately understand how to ask the longest and most unintelligible questions? Unsure how to prove your intellectual worth? We’ve pieced together […] More

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    The Golden Antlers’ Tips for First Years: Pitzer Edition


     Back so soon? Lusting for more content? A helpless Pitzer first-year in desperate need of guidance? If you consider any of the proceeding statements to be true about yourself, read on! We are extremely knowledgeable and we’re here to help, and today, we’re extending a hand to Pitzer first-years. #Gratitude Start all new nondenominational cults […] More

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    The Golden Antlers’ Tips for First-Years: Pomona Edition


     Anyways, here’s our tips for Pomona College first-years: Do you have anxiety about Pomona being “not prestigious enough” compared to your friends at Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, or Yale? Well, stress no more, because you’re right! Psst! Here’s a sneaky one for ya: Instead of telling your roommate to elbow you in the ribs, just lie […] More

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    CMC Pre-Professional Club Guide to Freshman Initiation


     Claremont McKenna College boasts an array of (supposedly) prestigious pre-professional clubs and research institutes that first-year students are encouraged to apply to, not because of their great impact on one’s resume, but because they do great work in their field. Despite CMC’s synergistic nature, a customizable, streamlined process for their initiation into this elite realm […] More