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    Prospie Triumphantly Returns to High School with Wild Drinking Stories


     Kevin Lock CMC 23’ returned to Green Acres Preparatory School for Kids Who Have Money for SAT/ACT Tutors Academy this past Monday after a weekend filled with the zaniest drinking stories his buddies have ever heard. Kevin arrived on CMC’s campus with the expectation that he’d get plastered with the bros and he wasn’t let […] More

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    Administration Releases New Hunting Guidelines for 2019 Prospie Season


     This morning at 8 AM, the Dean of Students office at Claremont McKenna College released the 2019 rules and guidelines for this upcoming Open Prospie Season. This weekend marks the annual Prospectostudentante migration, a weekend long period where more than 500 Prospectostudentantes will trek through the consortium, grazing upon the natural resources of the land […] More

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    Pomona College Adds Simlish Language Table at Oldenborg Center


     This past week, Pomona College announced that they will be adding a new language table at Oldenborg Center for students who are interested in conversing in Simlish, the official language of the Sims. In the announcement, Pomona states their decision comes from “an overwhelming amount of support from students who want to learn the challenging, […] More

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    Extreme Traffic on Route 15 as Students Rush to Vegas With Datamatches Release


     CLAREMONT, CA– This Valentine’s Day, lonely 5C students awoke to find themselves lonely no more after The Golden Antlers and Harvard Computer Society teamed up to create an irresistibly, deliriously hilarious, optimal matchmaking service. As the #1 ranked satirical newspaper in the world, it was truly no surprise that once again, The GA delivered a […] More

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    Fyre Festival Founder Hired To Set Up Pirate Party 2019


     Claremont, CA On February 3rd, it was announced that renowned entrepreneur, Billy McFarland, the founder of and CEO of Fyre Media, was hired by Claremont McKenna College and ASCMC to organize the biggest party of the semester. McFarland, the random Nigerian Prince emailing you and asking for money equivalent of entrepreneurs, is the brains behind […] More

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    It’s October! You know what that means…Claremont Ghosting Season


     You’ve heard of cuffing season. Now meet ghosting season. You know it’s here by the pumpkin displays at the Hoch and mascara-streaked tears across all 5 campuses. For some students, post-fall break means you’re ready to channel raw family issues into your fear of commitment. What better means could there be than a seasonally appropriate […] More

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    Which Claremont College Local Produce Are You?


     The Pomona Berry Ironically the only berry not served at Frank. The Pomona Berry is notable for its deep blue skin and thick, milky juice whose appearance can only be described as “kind of jizzy.” The Pomona Berry grows best in environments with sufficient sources of smooth jazz and subsist largely on a diet of […] More

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    Campus Security Starts Blog on Party Culture


     Sept 2, 2018 Campus Security is committed to fostering a positive, efficient, effervescent, ergonomic, responsible, no fun, lots of fun, fun zone for students, staff, and faculty. In an effort to establish a better rapport with the wider community, this year we’re starting a new blogging initiative to keep the community abreast of our actions […] More

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    5C Jews Say “Fuck It,” Break Fast With Pepperoni Pizza


     In a shocking discovery, The Golden Antlers has found that last week a group of Jewish students of the Claremont Colleges decided to break their 26-hour fast for Yom Kippur–the Day of Atonement–by rejecting the shackles of a kosher diet and hitting up Matt from Domino’s for some sunset za’s. The Golden Antlers learned of […] More