BDSM traditionalists are slowly embracing the avant-garde subculture of the enzymatic kink. Born out of the erotica of SpongeBob SquarePants, who lives in a pineapple under the sea, pineapple sucking, according to one of its founding members, is “orthodox masochism’s third cousins twice removed who had an affair with a fruit bowl.” The founding member […] More
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I Can See it, Like Actually Hey, it’s great to see you, it’s been forever! We haven’t seen each other since freshman – Jesus Christ, are you peeing right now? Right in front of my CMC’s The Hub Overnight Oats? Don’t even try to play it off or deny it, I’m literally watching the […] More
Hey bestie! We NEED to grab a meal one of these days it’s been so long since our freshman year orientation trip, which is when we last spoke. I’ll never forget what we got into at LACMA – #gopapaya #teamgoofy hahaha! Listen oomfie… You know I love you, but I kinda wanted to bring […] More
PALM BEACH, FL — In an unexpected press conference, Henry Kravis and George Roberts recently stated that they, “don’t see what’s so bad about Thanksgiving.” The duo, clad in matching turkey-print pajamas in the queen-sized bed they share at their Florida vacation home, were apparently taken with the “Thanksgiving Spirit,” and chose to “set […] More
A new study released this morning has confirmed what you already know: you are the only new student in the entire 5Cs without a friend group. “Yeah, everyone else in my hall came together instantly,” said your RA. “By the time I’d finished dragging them through icebreakers, everyone had maneuvered themselves into circles of perfectly-matched […] More
Service dog Harry “Poochini” Hamden (PO ‘25) received a formal warning from Pomona’s Resident Life Office after a blatant, dangerous violation of the 5Cs COVID-19 preventative measures. Our favorite little Poochini was spotted exhibiting some adorable, but maskless, dog sneezes post belly rub in a Sontag suite filled with non-dorm members. Pomona admin issued the […] More
I think I speak for everyone that the erasure we’ve seen in the past few years has been total, uncompromising, and hostile. No longer do the sweet melodies of This Unruly Mess I’ve Made caress my ears in the checkout line at the bulk poppers warehouse. When I attempted to play The Heist at my […] More
After going undercover for nearly two virtual semesters, journalists at the Golden Antlers have uncovered a bombshell story about the melting point and flammability of certain objects on your desk, and it’s going to blow your mind. More
Chris Meledandri, CEO Illumination Entertainment Santa Monica, CA Hey Chris, It’s me again. You haven’t responded to my emails or letters, so I guess you’ve left me with no choice but to go public. In 2008, you opened a portal to my own personal heaven. When you announced the development of Illumination Entertainment’s first film, […] More
Content Warning: The following article contains mentions of The Student Life (TSL). Back on the farm, Mama used to tell me that there’s only so far the mind can be pushed before it breaks. She was right, and I had to learn it the hard way. Let me start at the beginning: back in the […] More
“Another year, another dollar!” That’s what we say here at The Golden Antlers. At least, that’s what we used to say before our previous Editor in Chief got us banned from Google AdSense after running a clickfarm in middle school. Now, it’s “another year, same dollar as last time.” Oh boy, what a year it […] More
At the risk of repeating what literally everyone has been saying for months, to the point that you want to punch someone any time they say it, 2020 sure has been a weird year. If there’s one thing you can say about the 5C administrations’ response to COVID-19, it’s that they listen to and care […] More
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