More stories

  • in , ,

    Open Letter: Re: Re: Re: Give me five minutes alone with a minion

     

     Chris Meledandri, CEO Illumination Entertainment Santa Monica, CA  Hey Chris,  It’s me again. You haven’t responded to my emails or letters, so I guess you’ve left me with no choice but to go public. In 2008, you opened a portal to my own personal heaven. When you announced the development of Illumination Entertainment’s first film, […] More

  • "Magnum Opus"
    in , ,

    Counting Down Our 20 Favorite Moments of 2020

     

     “Another year, another dollar!” That’s what we say here at The Golden Antlers. At least, that’s what we used to say before our previous Editor in Chief got us banned from Google AdSense after running a clickfarm in middle school. Now, it’s “another year, same dollar as last time.” Oh boy, what a year it […] More

  • in ,

    5Cs Purchases License To New Zoom Breakdown Rooms

     

     At the risk of repeating what literally everyone has been saying for months, to the point that you want to punch someone any time they say it, 2020 sure has been a weird year. If there’s one thing you can say about the 5C administrations’ response to COVID-19, it’s that they listen to and care […] More

  • in , ,

    Thinking Inside The Box: Are Mimes The Future Of Virtual Learning?

     

     We’ve heard it time and again since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic: these are uncertain and unprecedented times. Now, months later, little has changed, and students across the country are struggling to adjust to the challenges posed by a completely virtual education system. But there’s one group of students who aren’t worried at all. […] More

  • in , , , , ,

    How to Show Tasteful Nudity on Zoom

     

     In response to coronavirus, many institutions of higher education around the world, including the 5Cs, have realized that they will need to embrace innovative solutions to deal with the problems posed by the pandemic. Since crowded classes greatly increase the chance of infection, the 5Cs have decided to start using Zoom, a group video chat […] More

  • in , , , ,

    The Loaning Tree

     

     Once there was a tree. And she loved a little boy (which really should have been the first red flag). And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves. And make them into crowns and play king of the forest.  He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches […] More

  • in , , ,

    Why I Started Pegging This 2020, and Why You Should Too

     

     A very close friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous has recently introduced me to the concept of pegging. I have taken on the challenge of pegging for this new year, and although I’m far from an expert, I believe that the aforementioned friend’s hands-on approach launched me into the world of pegging. While […] More

  • in , , , ,

    Transports Reach Record High Due to Parents Weekend 2020

     

     Campus Security published the following statement Monday morning in response to the frightening levels of ambulances that visited campus this past weekend: Parents and Students,  We apologize for the unfortunate and unscheduled on-campus events that happened over Parents Weekend, a tradition of utmost importance to us here at the 5Cs. We have heard your complaints […] More

  • in , , ,

    I Keep Seeing Big Bird Everywhere

     

     I didn’t want to say anything but I’m at a fucking breaking point. Why, on my dear mother’s life, does Big Bird occupy every other inch of this campus. I know I know I know, you’ll say what all my “friends” have been saying to me on repeat, “AJ, that isn’t Big Bird, that’s Cecil […] More

Load More
Congratulations. You've reached the end of the internet.