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  • Kravis and Roberts as Two Turkeys
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    Kravis and Roberts Don’t See What’s So Bad About Thanksgiving

     

      PALM BEACH, FL — In an unexpected press conference, Henry Kravis and George Roberts recently stated that they, “don’t see what’s so bad about Thanksgiving.” The duo, clad in matching turkey-print pajamas in the queen-sized bed they share at their Florida vacation home, were apparently taken with the “Thanksgiving Spirit,” and chose to “set […] More

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    Confirmed: Every New Student Has Friends Except You

     

     A new study released this morning has confirmed what you already know: you are the only new student in the entire 5Cs without a friend group. “Yeah, everyone else in my hall came together instantly,” said your RA. “By the time I’d finished dragging them through icebreakers, everyone had maneuvered themselves into circles of perfectly-matched […] More

  • dog wearing mask
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    Service Dog Written Up for Not Wearing Tiny, Adorable Mask While Visiting Dorm

     

     Service dog Harry “Poochini” Hamden (PO ‘25) received a formal warning from Pomona’s Resident Life Office after a blatant, dangerous violation of the 5Cs COVID-19 preventative measures. Our favorite little Poochini was spotted exhibiting some adorable, but maskless, dog sneezes post belly rub in a Sontag suite filled with non-dorm members.  Pomona admin issued the […] More

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    Open Letter: Re: Re: Re: Give me five minutes alone with a minion

     

     Chris Meledandri, CEO Illumination Entertainment Santa Monica, CA  Hey Chris,  It’s me again. You haven’t responded to my emails or letters, so I guess you’ve left me with no choice but to go public. In 2008, you opened a portal to my own personal heaven. When you announced the development of Illumination Entertainment’s first film, […] More

  • "Magnum Opus"
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    Counting Down Our 20 Favorite Moments of 2020

     

     “Another year, another dollar!” That’s what we say here at The Golden Antlers. At least, that’s what we used to say before our previous Editor in Chief got us banned from Google AdSense after running a clickfarm in middle school. Now, it’s “another year, same dollar as last time.” Oh boy, what a year it […] More

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    5Cs Purchases License To New Zoom Breakdown Rooms

     

     At the risk of repeating what literally everyone has been saying for months, to the point that you want to punch someone any time they say it, 2020 sure has been a weird year. If there’s one thing you can say about the 5C administrations’ response to COVID-19, it’s that they listen to and care […] More

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    Thinking Inside The Box: Are Mimes The Future Of Virtual Learning?

     

     We’ve heard it time and again since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic: these are uncertain and unprecedented times. Now, months later, little has changed, and students across the country are struggling to adjust to the challenges posed by a completely virtual education system. But there’s one group of students who aren’t worried at all. […] More

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