Campus Security published the following statement Monday morning in response to the frightening levels of ambulances that visited campus this past weekend: Parents and Students, We apologize for the unfortunate and unscheduled on-campus events that happened over Parents Weekend, a tradition of utmost importance to us here at the 5Cs. We have heard your complaints […] More
I didn’t want to say anything but I’m at a fucking breaking point. Why, on my dear mother’s life, does Big Bird occupy every other inch of this campus. I know I know I know, you’ll say what all my “friends” have been saying to me on repeat, “AJ, that isn’t Big Bird, that’s Cecil […] More
Well, it’s that time of year again, folks. Datamatch is here. Putting yourself out there can be hard, but don’t worry–we’ve got your back. First things first, this advice is only for people who either did not participate last year (and therefore have not found the love of their life via Datamatch) or participated last […] More
At the lovely Claremont Colleges, artistic passions span every genre: erotic bookbinding, smearing feces on canvas, or whatever writing Fuck the Golden Antlers on the freedom wall was. But the one creative endeavor we all will pursue during our time here is a delicate dance of trickery followed by immense guilt: getting your hardworking parents […] More
Sidewalks? More like Tidewalks! Sure, it was cool when Jesus walked on water; but now you can too. After a series of failed sustainability commitments, Claremont McKenna College has finally decided to put its money where its feet are. After California’s record drought in the past decade, CMC’s administration has been forced to think long […] More
It has recently come to our attention that a miscarriage of justice has been perpetrated against The Golden Antlers. As a publication that holds the utmost integrity when it comes to reporting the truth and giving non-biased information to the public, we realize that someone people may hold grudges against us. However, we bow our […] More
As the orange October sun began to set across the flat pale concrete of Claremont McKenna College, long early evening shadows and an eerie silence cloaked the muted campus. Beneath the autumn glow, Tristan Paul, CMC ‘21 arrived at his room in Green. Following a fruitful day of afternoon classes and 4 pm beer pong, […] More
Pitzer Junior Jack Burgess has made a monumental discovery for the Pitzer community. Last night, he encountered a very wet and transparent substance for the first time ever in his life. Its texture was clean; it literally slid right through his fingers and tell to the ground in much smaller proportions. It was nothing like […] More
This coming week, Student Health Services (SHS) will implement a new plan to solve their staff shortage. In a public statement, they acknowledged the severity of the problem while emphasizing their main priority: finding skilled individuals that can fill in the vacant spots at the clinic. To solve the issue, SHS will be hiring actors […] More
Early last week, Joseph Hillman, HMC ‘20, and his team of student astrologists at Harvey Mudd, once believed to be the only college in Claremont, stumbled across a fascinating discovery while attempting to observe structures lying outside of the Mudd Bubble. Directing a powerful telescope into the abyss, the researchers discerned what appeared to be […] More
Claremont, Calif.–This morning, President Hiram Chodosh called a Press Conference to announce an exciting development within ASCMC. Former Vice-President and current Presidential nominee Joe Biden’s son, Hunter, has officially accepted a role on ASCMC. Hunter has extensive experience performing roles he is vastly underqualified for and says that he is “excited to join the team […] More
Stephanie Miller, SC ’23, knew her Connecticut dogmatism would drastically change the moment she stepped off the plane in Southern California. Never would it have occured to her, however, that a single week in Claremont would transform her political identification from a center-right ponytail into a devout anarchist. She thought–maybe breathing the same air as […] More
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