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    Open Letter: Re: Re: Re: Give me five minutes alone with a minion


     Chris Meledandri, CEO Illumination Entertainment Santa Monica, CA  Hey Chris,  It’s me again. You haven’t responded to my emails or letters, so I guess you’ve left me with no choice but to go public. In 2008, you opened a portal to my own personal heaven. When you announced the development of Illumination Entertainment’s first film, […] More

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    OPINION: I Have Whooping Cough


      HuKHOO hORK HoRK HACK oog snORK snnnnNNN cRRhhhh aHEMMMM AHm CHr eRRRCCGH coffFF coff coff ATCHOOOOOOO Snek SNOK snif Hey, nice to meet you! Ah shit wait, lemme grab a mask. More

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    Dear CMC and Pomona: Just Fuck Already


     We can’t be the only ones who have noticed. The endless bickering. The matching mottos. The constant dragging each other in prospective student tours. Cecil “coincidentally” getting way hotter the same year CMC moved to top 10 in liberal arts college rankings. For crissakes, the #1 most-worn clothing item on CMC campus literally actively encourages […] More

  • McKinsey Loves Blacks
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    Op-Ed: Sorry I Haven’t Been Participating in the BLM Movement, My McKinsey Internship is Taking Up All My Time.


     By Guest Author Jenna Side, Class of 2021 I want to preface this article with the following: I am absolutely an anti-capitalist feminist. I study at a prestigious liberal arts college that teaches me how to question the world around me and offers exceptional opportunities: that’s how I got this job at McKinsey & Company. […] More

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    Why I Started Pegging This 2020, and Why You Should Too


     A very close friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous has recently introduced me to the concept of pegging. I have taken on the challenge of pegging for this new year, and although I’m far from an expert, I believe that the aforementioned friend’s hands-on approach launched me into the world of pegging. While […] More

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    I Keep Seeing Big Bird Everywhere


     I didn’t want to say anything but I’m at a fucking breaking point. Why, on my dear mother’s life, does Big Bird occupy every other inch of this campus. I know I know I know, you’ll say what all my “friends” have been saying to me on repeat, “AJ, that isn’t Big Bird, that’s Cecil […] More

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    TSL Op-ed: I Hate TV and So Should You


     By Alexander Chuckworth Davis III Newsflash America. There is nothing more telling of our moment in history than the popular entertainment and media that is consumed by the people. Future generations of Americans will look back on our era and judge us by what is on TV. And what is on TV these days? Pure […] More

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    TSL Refuses to Publish My Op-Ed on Why Anal Should be the First Base


     It seems that the popular trend of silencing brave voices on campus has officially spread to our friends at TSL. While the shameful newspaper has no qualms with publishing inconsequential pieces on things like the upcoming presidential election and something they call ‘sports,’ they refuse to give a platform to perhaps the most underrated journalist […] More

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