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    Goodwill to Take Legal Action Against Scripps College Citing “A Profuse and Threatening Number of Used Dildo Donations’

     

     Earlier this week, Scripps College announced that they would move forward in the process of getting rid of all our shit. In a characteristically awful move, Scripps has now forced students to decide between having all of their belongings shipped to their home residence or donated. Fearing for their possessions which have been in storage […] More

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    Perfect Zoom Backgrounds to Set the Mood in Your DILF Professor’s Office Hours

     

     Just because classes have gone online for the rest of the semester doesn’t mean that you have to disconnect from your certified dreamboat professor’s hot spot 😉 We are quite tech-savvy here at The Golden Antlers, and we plan on using that skill for good (and insider trading)! So if you’re having trouble sliding into […] More

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    How to Show Tasteful Nudity on Zoom

     

     In response to coronavirus, many institutions of higher education around the world, including the 5Cs, have realized that they will need to embrace innovative solutions to deal with the problems posed by the pandemic. Since crowded classes greatly increase the chance of infection, the 5Cs have decided to start using Zoom, a group video chat […] More

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    The Loaning Tree

     

     Once there was a tree. And she loved a little boy (which really should have been the first red flag). And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves. And make them into crowns and play king of the forest.  He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches […] More

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    A Letter to TSL

     

     From the Golden Antlers Editorial Board: Dear Claremont community, Over the past several years, we have delighted in the opportunity to provide the community with campus-themed satire, quizzes, and humorous videos. It has been an honor and a privilege to make you all laugh over our half-baked jokes and stupid quips about life at the […] More

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    “I love the Office” and Other Unique Personality Traits to Include in Your Datamatch Bio

     

     Well, it’s that time of year again, folks. Datamatch is here. Putting yourself out there can be hard, but don’t worry–we’ve got your back. First things first, this advice is only for people who either did not participate last year (and therefore have not found the love of their life via Datamatch) or participated last […] More

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    CMC Announces Plan to Exclusively Hydrate Walkways by 2022

     

     Sidewalks? More like Tidewalks! Sure, it was cool when Jesus walked on water; but now you can too. After a series of failed sustainability commitments, Claremont McKenna College has finally decided to put its money where its feet are. After California’s record drought in the past decade, CMC’s administration has been forced to think long […] More

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    Course Offerings for SP2020 Registrar Forgot to Add

     

     With the Spring semester quickly approaching, every student at the Claremont colleges has only one thing on their mind: what classes are they going to take next semester. Last night, classes were released on the portal, however it seems that the registrar forgot to add classes that are being offered! We at The Golden Antlers […] More

  • The Golden Antlers, Claremont Independent, The Student Life
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    Pitzer Student Discovers Water

     

     Pitzer Junior Jack Burgess has made a monumental discovery for the Pitzer community. Last night, he encountered a very wet and transparent substance for the first time ever in his life. Its texture was clean; it literally slid right through his fingers and tell to the ground in much smaller proportions. It was nothing like […] More

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