Pitzer Junior Jack Burgess has made a monumental discovery for the Pitzer community. Last night, he encountered a very wet and transparent substance for the first time ever in his life. Its texture was clean; it literally slid right through his fingers and tell to the ground in much smaller proportions. It was nothing like […] More
Back so soon? Lusting for more content? A helpless Pitzer first-year in desperate need of guidance? If you consider any of the proceeding statements to be true about yourself, read on! We are extremely knowledgeable and we’re here to help, and today, we’re extending a hand to Pitzer first-years. #Gratitude Start all new nondenominational cults […] More
Beer league–a Pomona-Pitzer tradition since 1776. One might describe it as “fun in the sun:” the game is slow-pitch baseball, filled to the brim with beer, bunts, bongs, Bobs, and brawls. The rules are easy–regular baseball rules, except every pitch is a strike, there are 4 strikes instead of 3, a mandatory 7th inning singing […] More
Student activism reached a historic milestone this week when Pitzer sophomore Rebecca McAngel announced on Facebook that she was “excited that we have reached a record number of likes in response to our latest innovative, social media-driven initiative!” Pitzer students and faculty are still trying to process the uniquely impactful news. The “we” in McAngel’s […] More
As Finals Week 2013 kicks off for students of the Claremont Consortium, Golden Antlers analysts have detected an increasingly negative trend on the rise. With the increase in paper writing and exam studying, Ritalin and Adderall have resurfaced on campus. Yet the problem lies mainly in each school’s response. Most CMCers have resorted to cocaine, […] More
Dear Golden Readers, It is with genuine (and in no way sarcastic) sadness that I must announce that The Golden Antlers will no longer publish articles as of 8:00 AM tomorrow morning. Saturday morning we received word via phone call from the CMC Office of Development and Dean of Students that they would like this publication […] More
Dear D, “The big V-day is coming up and what better gift to give my hookup/mancandy than sex in public? Can you recommend a location on the 5C campus that won’t get us arrested or seriously injured? Any tips? – Budding Voyeur” My Dearest Budding Voyeur, You must be of the freakiest variety and only […] More
Early Monday morning local CMC freshman Joe Myers announced his decision to “stop fucking around” and start thinking about his future. After a stunning 14 weeks on campus Myers concluded that he was ready to knuckle down and work hard in his classes. Myers decided that he “might even apply for a job at KLI” […] More
The Claremont Colleges reported early this week that last semester’s grade point averages were the lowest they have ever been. The Consortium administration estimates that overall averages have fallen by approximately 5 points from last year’s numbers. News of plummeting grades comes amid widespread reports that students are intentionally failing classes in order to boost […] More
Dear Sage Antlers, Very often I find myself in a difficult situation involving panties and social insecurity: I want to do my laundry, but all the machines are full. However, there is one machine done operating with the clothes still sitting in it. Could I just wait for an open one? Yes, but fuck that! […] More
2012 has certainly been a crazy year for The Golden Antlers! We’ve received over over 35,000 views in three months, the search term “Karl Marx titties” apparently leads to our website on occasion, and 124 of you like us on Facebook. Additionally, famed statistician Nate Silver estimates that Editor-in-Chief Clancy Tripp has experienced “a marked […] More
Late last night in Honnold Library, Harvey Mudd Sophomore Ralph Harrison* found a small pill he presumed to be Adderall on the floor right next to “one of those life-size ‘Ask A Librarian’ cutouts.” Harrison reportedly woke up the next morning with no recollection of the hours between 9 pm and 10 am and a […] More
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