Dear D, “The big V-day is coming up and what better gift to give my hookup/mancandy than sex in public? Can you recommend a location on the 5C campus that won’t get us arrested or seriously injured? Any tips? – Budding Voyeur” My Dearest Budding Voyeur, You must be of the freakiest variety and only […] More
Early Monday morning local CMC freshman Joe Myers announced his decision to “stop fucking around” and start thinking about his future. After a stunning 14 weeks on campus Myers concluded that he was ready to knuckle down and work hard in his classes. Myers decided that he “might even apply for a job at KLI” […] More
The Claremont Colleges reported early this week that last semester’s grade point averages were the lowest they have ever been. The Consortium administration estimates that overall averages have fallen by approximately 5 points from last year’s numbers. News of plummeting grades comes amid widespread reports that students are intentionally failing classes in order to boost […] More
Dear Sage Antlers, Very often I find myself in a difficult situation involving panties and social insecurity: I want to do my laundry, but all the machines are full. However, there is one machine done operating with the clothes still sitting in it. Could I just wait for an open one? Yes, but fuck that! […] More
2012 has certainly been a crazy year for The Golden Antlers! We’ve received over over 35,000 views in three months, the search term “Karl Marx titties” apparently leads to our website on occasion, and 124 of you like us on Facebook. Additionally, famed statistician Nate Silver estimates that Editor-in-Chief Clancy Tripp has experienced “a marked […] More
Late last night in Honnold Library, Harvey Mudd Sophomore Ralph Harrison* found a small pill he presumed to be Adderall on the floor right next to “one of those life-size ‘Ask A Librarian’ cutouts.” Harrison reportedly woke up the next morning with no recollection of the hours between 9 pm and 10 am and a […] More
In an email sent out to students at approximately 9:35 PM Dean Mary Spellwoman stated unequivocally that the actions of a group of local high school hooded hoodlums were unacceptable. The email is reproduced here: This is an advisory for The Claremont College Community. Campus Safety has received reports of a group of 4 to […] More
As an end of the year treat to our loyal readers, and – who are we kidding – ourselves, we here at The Golden Antlers decided it was high time to re-publish our most offensive article of all time. While last December we were forced to retract the article due to the fragile egos of […] More
We’ve all noticed that Frary’s Prometheus mural is missing a certain je ne sais quoi. Actually, we all know exactly what it’s missing. So just in case you were wondering, The Golden Antlers did some high-quality sleuthing to find out a few of the top theories about this missing member. Where did this disco-stick disappear […] More
Dear Sage Antlers, I’m in love with a Pomoaner. There, I said it. I’m constantly trying to catch his eye over the Frary burrito line. I write limericks comparing his eyes to the Pomona Skyspace, but I just can’t hook this hen! He enjoys “learning for the sake of learning” and I enjoy learning for […] More
According to meteorologists, Autumn in Claremont CA began at 6:57 Saturday morning and concluded approximately 45 minutes later. This brief Fall was reportedly characterized by a temperate 76 degrees, with a brisk breeze and partly cloudy skies. Approximately three leaves fell in accordance with the seasonal behavior of deciduous trees at this time of year. […] More
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