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    Why Didn’t You Share Our Last Article?


     Reports indicate that you, a “devoted” fan of The Golden Antlers, failed to share our last article. Not that it matters, but this information certainly is very interesting, considering the level of relevance it held to your life and the out-loud chuckles that escaped you whilst reading it. But alas, you did not repost it […] More

  • The Golden Antlers, Claremont Independent, The Student Life
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    Pitzer Student Discovers Water


     Pitzer Junior Jack Burgess has made a monumental discovery for the Pitzer community. Last night, he encountered a very wet and transparent substance for the first time ever in his life. Its texture was clean; it literally slid right through his fingers and tell to the ground in much smaller proportions. It was nothing like […] More

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    Help! Cecil Got Abs and Won’t Stop Fucking My Roommate!


     To the Pomona Administration and Trustee Board, With Great Urgency:  I am currently embroiled in a crisis with Pomona housing that has lasted almost a month now. I have gotten no response from Housing and Residential life even though I have sent several strongly-worded emails. I am very vexed about this issue and don’t know […] More

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    Communism 101: New Course Taught by First-Year After Their First Week of College


     Stephanie Miller, SC ’23, knew her Connecticut dogmatism would drastically change the moment she stepped off the plane in Southern California. Never would it have occured to her, however, that a single week in Claremont would transform her political identification from a center-right ponytail into a devout anarchist. She thought–maybe breathing the same air as […] More

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    Impressive First-Year Pomona Class Includes Jesus Christ himself


     After her thoroughly impressive and frankly, heart-warming, in no way problematic, or drowning-in-booze, god-why-are-we-here first speech of the year, Pomona president Gabby Starr announced the striking line up of this year’s first-year class. As the nervous first-year peers sat in the crowd vibrating like cold chihuahuas, they looked around spellbound by our new additions to […] More

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    Student has Breakdown About not Having a Breakdown Yet


      It was 3 pm on a Thursday and all that could be heard were the wallowing screams of a young student in Appleby. The shrieks echoed through the hallways of the dorm, bouncing from wall to wall, reaching new places screams have never reached before. Kate Reich CMC ’22 recalls laying in her bed […] More