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    OPINION: I Love My Triple, and So Would You


     When I got my housing assignment back in August (the second housing assignment, of course, not the quirky lil fucky wucky they had first tried to stick me with), I was nothing short of thrilled. Wouldn’t you be? Three people in fewer than 200 square feet was sure to be the bonding experience of a […] More

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    Opinion: Bathroom Doors Keep People Apart


     Just as Sunday football and Home Depot separate a father from family and the Lord, bathroom doors serve only as a barrier between my cold piercing eyes and your uncomfortable, speechless expression. Pew Research found that 99.7% of all God-fearing Americans were isolated by bathroom doors at least once, sometimes even twice, in 2020.  Yes, […] More

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    “Is This Guy Bothering You?” Asks Guy Bothering You


     CLAREMONT, CA — Sources close to you report that your night out at Green Beach took an unexpected turn when a guy wearing a “Pussy Power” t-shirt stumbled up to you, loudly interrupting your conversation with your date to ask, “Is this guy bothering you?” According to your suitemate, Sandra Handlehands PO ‘22, the interruption […] More

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    In Effort to Promote Diversity and Inclusion, CMC Organizes Student Hajj Around the Cube


     President Chodosh said in a note to the board of trustees on Friday that Claremont McKenna College is committed to promoting diversity and inclusion on campus by planning more events celebrating different identities and cultures. Chodosh mentioned that the college is very behind on its Strategic Plan (2002) of Diversity and Inclusion, and something had […] More

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    A Sober Guide to American Thanksgiving for International Students


     Thanksgiving break is fast approaching, which means it’s the time of year for the president to pardon a turkey (and…announce his colonoscopy to the country?). Your favorite American is here to explain, head super clear. What are my qualifications? Well, first off, I’m American, and second, I have two international roommates to whom I have […] More

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    Pitzer Freshman Loses Contact Lens, Sends ISO on StudentTalk


     Pitzer Student Abigail Jones ‘25 recently lost her left contact lens during a walk across campus and decided that her best course of action would be to send an email to the student ListServe, StudentTalk. She believes she lost her visual aid the morning of Nov 11, walking back to East Sanborn Hall from The […] More

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    Confirmed: Every New Student Has Friends Except You


     A new study released this morning has confirmed what you already know: you are the only new student in the entire 5Cs without a friend group. “Yeah, everyone else in my hall came together instantly,” said your RA. “By the time I’d finished dragging them through icebreakers, everyone had maneuvered themselves into circles of perfectly-matched […] More

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    CMC Removes Roberts and Kravis From Buildings, Plans to Replace with Thomas Hofeller, Pioneer of the Republican Gerrymander


     Citing mounting student pressures and a really angry Instagram campaign, the CMC Board of Trustees has decided to replace the names of George R. Roberts and Henry Kravis with alumnus Thomas Hofeller, pioneer of the Republican gerrymander. After graduating from Claremont Men’s College, Roberts and Kravis applied the values they learned to found the trailblazing […] More

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    OPINION: It’s Time for Pitzer’s First Lady to Release Her Platform


     As we all know, the wives of presidents in this glorious nation have long held significant roles in policymaking, diplomacy, and the development of national wellness programs. Jill Biden is a milf. Melania Trump did that healthy lunch thing. Joan Rivers did that thing for people with weird voices. Laura Bush was such a silly […] More

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    I Shit You Not #1: Pomona Art History Faculty Offices, Room 207


     * This article series reviews the Claremont Colleges bathroom facilities. If you are looking for the 5C law and public policy journal, click here.  ** The Golden Antlers encourages our readership to visit the bathrooms featured in the “I Shit You Not” series at their bowel movement’s convenience. And if you ever run out of […] More

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