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    Investigation Reveals Cause of Fallen Trees Actually Just Drunk Boys Wearing Flannel

     

     After noticing the abundant levels of urine at the sites of major tree falls, campus security decided to review footage of Friday night’s events. The video revealed a drunk, flannel-empowered gaggle of boys using state-of-the-art forestry techniques to topple trees. Officials have been able to identify the culprits as the now unrecognizable burly bearded men […] More

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    Real-Life Maze Runner: It’s just Gabi Starr Chasing you Through Oldenborg

     

     Your 2014 Young Adult fantasy is coming to life next semester with Pomona Events Committee’s Maze Runner night when students enter Oldenborg for a fun night of fright! The goal? Escape the building without being slaughtered by President Gabi Starr.  “I think the energy is going to be soooo surreal,” says the head of PEC. […] More

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    OPINION: I Love My Triple, and So Would You

     

     When I got my housing assignment back in August (the second housing assignment, of course, not the quirky lil fucky wucky they had first tried to stick me with), I was nothing short of thrilled. Wouldn’t you be? Three people in fewer than 200 square feet was sure to be the bonding experience of a […] More

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    Opinion: Bathroom Doors Keep People Apart

     

     Just as Sunday football and Home Depot separate a father from family and the Lord, bathroom doors serve only as a barrier between my cold piercing eyes and your uncomfortable, speechless expression. Pew Research found that 99.7% of all God-fearing Americans were isolated by bathroom doors at least once, sometimes even twice, in 2020.  Yes, […] More

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    “Is This Guy Bothering You?” Asks Guy Bothering You

     

     CLAREMONT, CA — Sources close to you report that your night out at Green Beach took an unexpected turn when a guy wearing a “Pussy Power” t-shirt stumbled up to you, loudly interrupting your conversation with your date to ask, “Is this guy bothering you?” According to your suitemate, Sandra Handlehands PO ‘22, the interruption […] More

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    In Effort to Promote Diversity and Inclusion, CMC Organizes Student Hajj Around the Cube

     

     President Chodosh said in a note to the board of trustees on Friday that Claremont McKenna College is committed to promoting diversity and inclusion on campus by planning more events celebrating different identities and cultures. Chodosh mentioned that the college is very behind on its Strategic Plan (2002) of Diversity and Inclusion, and something had […] More

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    A Sober Guide to American Thanksgiving for International Students

     

     Thanksgiving break is fast approaching, which means it’s the time of year for the president to pardon a turkey (and…announce his colonoscopy to the country?). Your favorite American is here to explain, head super clear. What are my qualifications? Well, first off, I’m American, and second, I have two international roommates to whom I have […] More

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    Pitzer Freshman Loses Contact Lens, Sends ISO on StudentTalk

     

     Pitzer Student Abigail Jones ‘25 recently lost her left contact lens during a walk across campus and decided that her best course of action would be to send an email to the student ListServe, StudentTalk. She believes she lost her visual aid the morning of Nov 11, walking back to East Sanborn Hall from The […] More

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    Confirmed: Every New Student Has Friends Except You

     

     A new study released this morning has confirmed what you already know: you are the only new student in the entire 5Cs without a friend group. “Yeah, everyone else in my hall came together instantly,” said your RA. “By the time I’d finished dragging them through icebreakers, everyone had maneuvered themselves into circles of perfectly-matched […] More

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    CMC Removes Roberts and Kravis From Buildings, Plans to Replace with Thomas Hofeller, Pioneer of the Republican Gerrymander

     

     Citing mounting student pressures and a really angry Instagram campaign, the CMC Board of Trustees has decided to replace the names of George R. Roberts and Henry Kravis with alumnus Thomas Hofeller, pioneer of the Republican gerrymander. After graduating from Claremont Men’s College, Roberts and Kravis applied the values they learned to found the trailblazing […] More

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