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    Scripps College Should be a Safe Space: Remove All Womxn so I Feel Comfortable

     

     Fellas, we’ve all been there. You’re walking through Scripps College, the women’s college’s campus alone when suddenly, an all-consuming aura of queasiness possesses you. You feel a compelling urge to grab your keys and put them between your knuckles as if you’re Wolverine. You dial 911 on your phone and keep it open, just in […] More

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    Student’s Decision to Skip Coachella Entirely Based on Moral Values and Not the Fact that They Spent All Their Money On JUUL Pods

     

     This week, role model and upstanding citizen Sarah Clarke (POM ‘20) made the brave and altruistic decision to not join her friends in their annual trip to Coachella. When asked what inspired her righteous act, Clarke stated “Honestly, I just feel like I’m one drop in a lake, and I just hope that it causes […] More

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    I Pledge Not to View Any Pictures of Jeff Bezos’s Penis

     

     In a medium post released today, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos offered news that has shaken America to its core. According to Mr. Bezos, the vile tabloid National Enquirer has secured a series of compromising images of the CEO and his lover. The National Enquirer has threatened to release these pictures if Bezos refuses to end […] More

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    Girl from Seattle Reminds Everyone that She’s Used to the Rain

     

     POMONA COLLEGE – Since the rain started last week, Pomona sophomore Ryan Talbot has not stopped reminding all her friends about the fact that she’s from Seattle and that she’s used to this weather. Having lived in the PNW her whole life, the rain reminds her of home. “Being from Seattle, I used to eating, […] More

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    DataMatch is Coming to the 5Cs!

     

     Tinder got you down? Has rainy weather made you realize how lonely you are? Tired of thinking last Thursday’s TNC hookup was the one that got away? Say no more! The Golden Antlers has teamed up with the Harvard Computer Society (HCS) to bring a real and free match making service to the 5Cs this […] More

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    Thanks, Scripps Core: I am Now Woke.

     

     Now, I know what you’re thinking: you did three whole semesters of Core at Scripps College, so you can never be offensive! And I’d reply to that with “yes, you are exactly right.” Scripps College core has really taught me so much and I confidently can now call myself woke. Like first semester when we […] More

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    It’s October! You know what that means…Claremont Ghosting Season

     

     You’ve heard of cuffing season. Now meet ghosting season. You know it’s here by the pumpkin displays at the Hoch and mascara-streaked tears across all 5 campuses. For some students, post-fall break means you’re ready to channel raw family issues into your fear of commitment. What better means could there be than a seasonally appropriate […] More

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    Brilliant First Year Announces that Southern California is “Really Hot”

     

     BREAKING NEWS — Hailing from Needham, Mass., Pomona first year student Cameron Gilder has a made a miraculous observation, causing his peers’ intellect to pale in comparison. While casually strolling to class on Wednesday, Gilder revealed his glorious discovery: “It’s like, really hot here.” Do not make the mistake of grouping Gilder with the rest […] More

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    A Frank Stream of Consciousness

     

     As investigative journalists dedicated to public service, we here at the Golden Antlers have bestowed it upon ourselves to expose the true nature of Frank’s dining hall at Pomona College (Claremont, CA 91711).  Here is a cesspool where normal human interaction ceases to exist but rather elicits the more carnal side of mankind. The Golden […] More

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    CMC to Remove Controversial Statue of Chilean Dictator Augusto Pinochet

     

     After weeks of furious debate, the Associated Students of Claremont McKenna College, the CMC Board of Trustees, and President Hiram Chodosh have come to a joint agreement for the removal of the infamous 40-foot-tall statue of the late Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet that stands in front of the Hub. Echoing a similar debate at Pitzer […] More

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    Dear The Student Life: Fuck You

     

     March 5, 2018 Dear the Student Life, Fuck you. We here at the Golden Antlers are disgusted by your behavior, actually not disgusted, we’re infuriated by your behavior. We try so fucking hard to get your attention, we’ve written numerous articles and letters addressed to you, we’ve influenced school elections, and we even gave the […] More

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