CMC Announces Plan to Exclusively Hydrate Walkways by 2022

Sidewalks? More like Tidewalks!

Sure, it was cool when Jesus walked on water; but now you can too.

After a series of failed sustainability commitments, Claremont McKenna College has finally decided to put its money where its feet are. After California’s record drought in the past decade, CMC’s administration has been forced to think long and hard about the efficiency of its water usage. “We realized that we had been wasting water on sustaining green fields, filling rarely-used fountains, and ensuring that students have hot water to shower with,” explained one ashamed trustee.

In response, the Sustainability Fund Committee at Claremont McKenna has made a public promise to divert its entire water usage strictly to sidewalks by 2022. By conserving water that would otherwise be wasted, CMC hopes no pavement will receive insufficient nutrition. “My shoes have always stayed way too dry on my walk back from snack,” complained one sophomore. “And I never have time to take my longboard through the board-wash. This way, I can kill two sagehens with one stone.” Nice!

Inspired by CMC’s environmental activism, other Claremont Colleges have made similar commitments. Harvey Mudd College has decided to limit water usage strictly to moistening signage, concrete, and passing students. Even Pomona is riding the wave! After nightfall, torrents of sprinkler runoff can be seen gushing down the sidewalk in front of Oldenborg. “We’re just doing our part. A wet sidewalk is a healthy sidewalk,” commented one Pomona Sustainability Office staffer. 

You  can also get in on this exciting, eco-friendly, innovation! Follow the institutions’ examples and just dump your water bottle right on the ground! Every sloppy spill is a sign of solidarity that will not go unnoticed. The sidewalks will appreciate it and so will Mother Earth. Water you waiting for?