Early Monday morning while waiting for the N4 bus with his commuter shoes in hand, Stephen Norris CMC ’15 encountered a human adult who claimed to be working a real job for real money. Upon further investigation, Norris discovered that the woman who earned American currency in exchange for her services was not the lucky recipient of a “Price Check Internship” or a “Fellowship in Cleaning Up On Aisle 6,” rather she was simply a cashier at the local Safeway.
Norris reported that this older woman, who was not currently enrolled in any institution of higher learning let alone a top-tier liberal arts college, worked an eight hour day and was given monetary compensation for her efforts. “And it’s not just like an unlimited SmartTrip card for the metro” Norris explained, “I’m pretty sure she gets actual money with, like, taxes and stuff.”
Norris indicated that when said fully grown human makes coffee, instead of hand-delivering it to 30-something superiors who have connections and facial hair and who hold the future of her career in their hands like tiny fragile fainting goats, the woman simply drinks the warm energizing beverage herself.
Norris was visibly disturbed by the experience, but nonetheless told Golden Antlers reporters that “[it] was a positive experience” and furthered that he “really likes meeting poor people” because it expands his worldview.
At press time the adult in question indicated that there was “no way in hell” she was willing to buy Norris booze for the rager he plans on throwing this weekend in his GW dorm room. Norris alerted Golden Antlers reporters that all are welcome (Crawford Hall Room 204) but the party will be BYOB because he recently got his fake ID confiscated. Such is life.
– Clancy Tripp CMC ’15