in ,

CMC Launches Annual Parasol Pop-Up Shop


Record breaking heat waves this year have prompted CMCers to churn that entrepreneurial spirit of theirs into an exciting new capitalist venture: customizable parasols! While the other 4C’s may hurl churlish remarks about CMC’s pre-professional pretension, an overwhelming number of CMC students have come to the initiative’s defense.

“My electric scooter already has a built in parasol hook, so I’ve been ready for this for a while,” remarked CMC sophomore Chrissy Boughton. “Besides, why not take some preventative measures to ensure that my future botox won’t be super noticeable? Have you ever seen an ugly, wrinkly woman CFO? I need to start planning for my future now.”

Boughton proceeded to divulge her morning ritual to us, which involves putting a microscope and lots of small eels to her porcelain incubator baby skin. Or something like that.

The pop-up stand will be located in the middle of North Quad next Saturday, sponsored by The Soll Center for Opportunity.

“We love to support engaging, practical student projects, and the launch of a parasol store is the perfect solution to a lot of universal issues in the professional world,” stated a career consultant. “We want our professional women to look and feel like the millions of bucks that they should be making once they graduate and donate back to us– which you simply can’t do with prolonged UV radiation exposure”.

Holly Manchester, the student who spearheaded this campaign, says that she first discovered CMC’s systematic lack of focus on women’s health issues when she moved to Claremont. “As an international student from London, I was shocked when I saw the sun. It’s just there– all the time. It really doesn’t rain here, does it?” she stated whilst applying a heaping handful of 4k gold skin protectant.

“I want my skin to remain as shielded from the sun as a glass of milk locked in a cellar. The only feasible way to do this, besides constructing a biotechnical formula that utilizes a mucus membrane, was to sell parasols. The latter portion is still awaiting FDA approval.”

Parasols will be available to customize via color, shape, and the type of rare ore used to construct the pole.


Leave a Reply



Brilliant First Year Announces that Southern California is “Really Hot”

CMC Reports Women are Overrepresented at Scripps College