CMC Student to Marry Trust Fund at Wedding Party


Every year CMC holds this glorious event known as wedding party without actually marrying anybody; but, 2018 marks the year that changes. CMC junior Jake Miller will be marrying his Trust Fund that his father made for him 8 years before he was born.

“Yeah I’m super excited for this new chapter in my life. I finally feel like I have this insane amount of freedom, I mean I’m only getting like a couple million, which doesn’t seem like that much, but it can totally get at least three ice luges for the next 100 TNCs.”

Jake’s friends are very excited for the occasion, as they believe it is a giant moment for CMC history. “I mean, like has any ever gotten married at Wedding Party before?,” asks CMC sophomore Tegan Johnson. “I mean it’s a big deal, like Hiram Chodosh was so thrilled that he even got ordained.”

Since announcing his engagement, he has made several wedding registries filled with items that he plans on buying once his dad lets him have access to the account.

“Yeah I’m super excited to finally be married to my trust fund. I have been waiting for this day for so long. I even got the most expensive bottles of champagne I could find at Bevmo!!”

We here at the Golden Antlers congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Miller on this new chapter in their lives, and wish them lifelong love and happiness.


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