CMC’s Writing Center recently expanded its services to include consultations and workshops for drafting Tinder bios and effective “U up?” messages. Since implementing this new service, the Writing Center has seen a 312% increase in student engagement.
Mark Longo, CMC ‘21, came back to campus this year with a vengeance. After a long summer of thrilling and exciting Tinder dates from his time in San Francisco, he decided that he needed to change his approach as the Claremont Tinder scene is “not as popping.” Luckily for him, he easily made an appointment at the Writing Center to help him achieve his goal. CMC’s dedication to helping their students succeed is what makes it so great and more than just a regular liberal arts school.
“10 minutes into the consultation, Kayla totally got me. She knew I wanted my Tinder bio to be casual; I wasn’t looking for a relationship or a friendship, just a hook-up. But I didn’t know how to say that in my bio without making it weird. Kayla knew just what I needed: ‘The only ship I’m looking for is a scholarship.’ Since then, I’ve got twenty new matches and four new STDs. Thanks, Writing Center!”
Parents of students were initially outraged by this, calling for their tuition dollars to be put toward academic resources that will improve the work students actually turn in to professors. Fortunately, CMC professors were able to quell the tension, as professors do see the work students put into their “U up?” texts and Tinder bios.
In unrelated news, several CMC faculty members were recently fired for sexual misconduct. These former professors refuse to comment on whether or not student’s improved bios and “U up?” messages had anything to do with it, but after 3.5 minutes of field research, the Golden Antlers staff had each matched with twelve professors.