The Golden Antlers we have an experienced team of economic analysts, financial advisors, and assholes who like to make fun of other people instead of growing a personality. On behalf of our financial staff, these are the next twelve investments we think CMC should request from its wealthier donors.
The Richard P. Voss Center for Creative Ethics
The Golden Antlers Community Fund to Rename Seaman Hall
The Shannon Miller National Institute for the Advancement of White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Men
“The Jessica Jin Moving Walkway to the Hoch Dining Hall at Harvey Mudd College”
The Sam Pitcavage Fund for the Post-TNC Reconstruction of the Ceiling of Marks Hall Lounge in collaboration with the Scripps College Dean of First-Year Students Office.
Ender Wiggin’s Seaman Hall (for the children)
The Leader’s Leadership Institute Leadership Scholarship for the Outstanding Leading of Leaders in Leadership
The Kravis Endowed Professorship Chair for Economics, Leveraged Buyouts, Recreational Golf, and Being a Motherfucking Boss
The Golden Antlers Commission to Rename 9th Street “The Gender Gap”
The Birthday Ponding Memorial Institute for the Study of Head Trauma and Brain Smashing
The Toppo Center for Consulting, Networking, Consultworking, Worksulting and Outright Bribery
The Sam Pitcavage Sponsored Spring Break Trip to Get Photographed with Smiling Third-World Children Clinging to You
– Sam Pitcavage CMC ’15, Dante Toppo CMC ’15, Ender Wiggin CMC ’15, Clancy Tripp CMC ’15, Jessica Jin CMC ’14