Do you dislike soccer? Are you not into Yoga or Weight Lifting? Do you need more thrill in your life? Then worry no more! Following up on popular hits such as Fly-Fishing and Rock-Climbing, in the next few weeks the Claremont Colleges are expected to publicly unveil the new PE courses that students will be able to enroll in. Below are some new classes you could potentially take starting next September.
Fridge Carrying: There is nothing more stressful than the muscle ache, stress, and blisters developed from the exhausting exercise that is carrying your fridge into and out of your room. Through this course, students will learn the proper mechanics for picking up and moving refrigerators from distances between ten feet and two miles. Shawn Stevenson (PO ‘18), a Pomona-Pitzer football player, has already expressed his excitement. “As a linebacker, I was really embarrassed that I needed help from my roommate carrying my fridge into my room,” says Stevenson. “I know with this class in the offseason, this won’t be a problem for the next few years.”
Run of Shame: Embarrassed being seen on your walk of shame? Need a little more cardio? The Run of Shame is the perfect exercise add-on to a previous night’s sexercise. Gold stars are awarded to the students who complete the “Foothill Challenge,” which is a run from the Claremont School of Theology. Stay tuned for “Intermediate Run of Shame” next term which offers the beginners Run of Shame course plus obstacle training such as fire hydrants, tour groups, and your inner sense of shame and dignity.
Squirrel Chasing: It’s the course that Scripps students are going nuts about. Get fired up with some espresso from the Motley and see if you can catch one of those critters and take a no-filter Snapchat with its fuzzy face!
*Warning: may potentially lead to rabies*
Kravis Maga: Claremont McKenna’s very own version of Krav Maga.
Water Condom Toss: This course will provide students the opportunity to not only develop upper body strength, but hand-eye coordination as well. Thanks to the Health Center, students will be able to enjoy an STD-free PE Course that brings all the same joy and excitement as the water balloon toss did when you were a kid. With a lot less herpes.
The 5C Challenge: Recommended to be taken for an additional credit with the Run of Shame course.
Introduction to Mudd Skates: Do you wonder how the f*ck those Harvey Mudd kids ride those things? Here’s your chance! A future Intermediate Mudd Skates will be available to teach you how to avoid the panties being thrown at you while traveling at impressive speed!
Hockey (the drinking game, not the sport): Come to CMC to enjoy its favorite winter game!
In addition to these new classes, other classes that may potentially be announced include Shake Weight Power Hour, Jello Wrestling, Lightsaber Duels, Beekeeping, Shamlessly Networking With Future Millionaires by John Faranda (formerly listed under “Sailing”), and 3 vs 3 Tennis. These classes may only be a quarter credit, but we guarantee that all these appealing options will have you rocking at least a semi. The only question now is, which of these classes will you be taking?
– Jack Gerstenberger CMC ’17 with comedic support from Clancy Tripp CMC ’15