Coop Fountain’s New Secret Menu Leaked to The Golden Antlers


The Administration:

A savory panini with lots of great toppings choices. Just know that no one’s going to listen to what you want and the final product is going to be crusty and stale.

The Financial Aid:

Fresh squeezed orange juice served in a non-transparent cup. Note that staff might decide to take back your cup at any time. Enjoy.

The Ochem:

This delicious beverage is busier than you are. No, don’t argue. It is.

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Cecil Tenders:

Chicken tenders with our secret signature spice rub. Is it a little fucked up that we dine on the flesh of our mascot? Yeah, maybe.

The Alumni Shake:

This milkshake is incredibly rich. Probably from oil.

The Farm Burger:

This veggie burger comes straight from the Pomona Organic Farm, where idealistic fools pay $60,000  a year to pick vegetables.

The James Turrell Nachos:

Served every hour, on the hour. By the time you’re a sophomore, you’re going to stop thinking it’s that cool.

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The Forbes List Quesadilla:

Arguably the second best in the country. Dammit Stanford.

The PreLab:

Includes 2 shots of espresso, steamed milk, and crippling self-doubt because you weren’t meant to be a doctor.

The OTL Parfait:

Honestly it’s mostly granola. Okay, it’s all granola.

Gender Neutral Hot Dog:

Your choice of a dog and a bun, two dogs, or two buns.

The Mount Baldy:

The legendary triple decker sandwich you tell your friends you’ll try one day but you never actually will

Dom’s Soup of the Day:

Way too hot and not what you wanted.

*Free Water included, served nightly on the sidewalk

– Frank Lyles PO ’17


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