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Cory Booker Taken Aback To Find Dozens Of Pictures Of Himself As An Egg

 

At 6:35am EST on January 10, 2020, Cory Booker walked in his campaign headquarters and was confronted by four walls covered in pictures of himself as an egg.

The egg pictures depicted Senator Booker on vacation back in his old college days—living it up on the beach in Hawaii as an over easy lazy one, studying in the library as a hard boiled boi, and even kicking it at the pub fully scrambled. 

A Senator from New Jersey, Booker had a campaign for the presidency until today. He became famous for being that one candidate that dates Rosario Dawson, having one nipple lower than the other (so low you’d expect it not to be there), living in Newark, and–the man is vegan.

Witnesses of the incident report Booker was affronted by the egg images, and seemed distrubed to find no culprit amidst his campaign staff, who were all on the campaign trail the night of the incident. According to one staffer, Booker began pacing in the office whispering “where they get these?” to himself as campaign lawyers looked into the possibility of a libel case.  

Many news sources have suggested black mail may be the source for the photos. Where did all the egg pictures come from, one might ask? Investigative reporting from none other than The Golden Antlers revealed the internet egg images can be traced to servers located east of the Baltic Sea, and south of St. Petersberg, Russia. Regardless, The Golden Antlers have verified the legitimacy of each photograph, revealing that Cory Booker really did used to be an egg.  

While conspiracies of Booker being a “fake vegan” circulate the internet, cutting edge political analysts suggest the similarities between all eggs and Cory Booker have created an irreversible image for the American public. As a national frenzy mounts for this controversy, the Booker campaign wasted no time responding directly to the American public. Many analysis point to this controversy for Booker’s recent plunge in the polls, and ultimately, his campaign resignation. 

Being an egg is nothing to be ashamed of. We, at the GA, would like to add that it appears Booker used to be, and maybe still is, a good egg. 

Any available egg pictures should be emailed to the GA directly at thegoldenantlers.com.  We will follow the sources and continue to break open this story as it unfolds. 

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