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OPINION: I Tricked The Golden Antlers Into Letting Me Be in Charge But They Figured It Out and They’re Kicking Me Off and I am Sad About It. Conveniently, I Am Also Graduating.

This is a picture of me at Norms after a Golden Antlers party last year
 

Dear Friends, Family, and Others,

This is NOT a joke; I don’t know how to write one. Four years of this sh!t and they finally figured it out. They figured ME out. And now it’s time to go.

It all began my first semester of college during a beautiful and intensely romantic night of love, lust, and wonder with a sweaty boy I met on Green Beach. He whispered those sweet words into my ear that every she/they wants to hear: Have you heard of The Golden Antlers? They’re Funny as Fuck. That’s when I knew what I had to do. This was all a scheme and it worked. I can’t believe the GA writers fell for it. Elliott, please take me back. The lies, the scheme… this was all for you. 

Aside from all that, I must admit, it has been very cool to be part of the GA. On a small liberal arts campus where people are hyperaware of everything that’s happening in the world and inevitably very upset about it, I like to think that we are a beautiful force of relief compromised of poop and sex jokes crusading against the bourgoise (I majored in Politics and Critical Theory so I know what I’m talking about). I think it’s really important. The GA does too so it’s time for them to seize my means of production and de-admin me.

I want to use this space to say some more stuff because I can’t really process that this is the last thing I will ever put on this website. Thanks so much for coming out tonight, guys. Where’s everybody from? Ah, I see they’ve gotten out their incredibly long cane to yank me off stage, but just let me just say this: thank you so much to the GA writers for their unflinching love of fun, always saying yes and, and letting me be part of such a fantastic community. It has been an incredible honor and so much fun.

I’m sorry this isn’t an article about the rat kingdom underneath Bauer or how next year, the schools are going to transform South Campus into a stomach pump station because there will be three freshman classes. Those are important things to report on and I’m so grateful I got to do so for four years. Claremont, thank you for not taking yourselves too seriously and letting the GA thrive. 

I promise this part is not a joke: thank you so much to Jacksón and Alex for being exceptional models for Editor-in-Chiefhood. I’m also incredibly proud to be passing the baton along to Luc to keep it in the “I really care about this and I love comedy” family. Now, allow me to let myself out.

Long live the GA.

Love,

Julia Foodman, Editor-In-Chief, 2020-2021

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