in , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Effective Immediately, The Golden Antlers Has Been Shut Down: A Farewell Letter

 

Dear Golden Readers,

It is with genuine (and in no way sarcastic) sadness that I must announce that The Golden Antlers will no longer publish articles as of 8:00 AM tomorrow morning.

Saturday morning we received word via phone call from the CMC Office of Development and Dean of Students that they would like this publication to discontinue ‘lampooning Claremont McKenna’s culture’ through

we'll miss you, Golden Antlers
we’ll miss you, Golden Antlers

explicit or implicit harassment of other students, faculty, administrators, football teams, and dining hall employees. After sitting down in a long meeting with representatives from all parties, a conclusion was reached (without our agreement) that we could only continue to publish on the grounds that we stop writing anything implying anything ‘negative or damaging to the reputation of’ any specific ‘person or entity’ affiliated with CMC or the other colleges in the Claremont University Consortium (excluding CGU). Also, to be in accordance we would have to avoid a list of subjects including but not limited to, ‘underage drug use, drinking, and explicit sexual acts involving minors.’ Also off-limits would be ‘encouragement’ of ‘misogyny, sexism, and negative generalizations based on gender or sexual orientation.’

[do_widget id=bl_google_ads-7]

Late Sunday evening Dean Spellwoman emailed several members of our staff, including myself, demanding the immediate shut down of our publication.  Spellwoman was, however, open to beginning a dialogue with us as she detailed her reasons for the ban on satire.  Spellwoman listed her qualms with The Golden Antlers saying, “an overwhelming majority of your jokes are in bad taste,” “Hiram Chodosh has more to offer CMC than a pretty face,” and “seriously, guys, you don’t even give The Forum a chance.”

Students close to Dean Jeffrey Hung have reported to us that, on multiple occasions, he has vehemently condemned my participation in these comedic efforts.  Though an official statement has not been officially released, we imagine it went something like this:

The administration has labeled Clancy Tripp a rogue threat to the well being of the Claremont Colleges whose insolent rantings have wreaked havoc among the student population. Rioting, egregious sexism, crude punnery, defecation in Seal Pond, and general disregard for academic integrity have followed Ms. Tripp wherever she goes, and this institution is determined to shut her down.

farewell, dear readers!
farewell, dear readers!

In a rare show of solidarity, Maya Blooth, the Editor-in-Chief of Pomona’s The Student Life has expressed her condolences at, “CMC eliminating the only news source it has that comes close to our level of professionalism.”

I am here to say that though we may be shut down, we will not be silenced.  We are the Golden Majority and we have demands.

  1. #OccupyGolden Sign our petition to the Dean of Students office to allow us to continue to publish satirical articles on this website.  Working on this publication has been a blast.  Let’s just hope it isn’t the end for us.  Make your voice heard.
  2. Everclearamid.  If the name isn’t obvious, this Thursday we call on you to host a pyramid of Everclear bottles on our school’s seal.  Yes, glass bottles are hard to stack.  Yes, alcohol poisoning is imminent.  But isn’t that what our school is all about?  Finding new and creative ways to get obliterated, coming together for a few hours each Thursday to grind all up on each other, and putting our lives in danger to prove to the administration that we deserve more freedom?  Look for our Crowdtilt coming soon.   We’ve set the starting goal at $1000 but feel free to go above and beyond for the cause.

In all seriousness, it’s been fun.  On behalf of The Golden Antlers staff we’ve had a good run.  So long, and thanks for all the laughs.

–       Clancy Tripp (Former Editor-in-Chief/Satire Tyrant).

–       Ender Wiggin, Sam Pitcavage, Dante Toppo (Former Golden Staff Writers)

–       The rest of the (former) Golden Antlers staff.

Comments

Leave a Reply
    • It’s hard to know if this is serious or not (as is always the case with this website), but I think that alone is a tragic commentary on the state of affairs at Claremont Mckenna College. That the Deans are afraid of a website that might “taint the image of their school” is laughable when they still allow prospective high school students to visit on any Thursday or Saturday night and see/fall victim to what really happens here (which I suppose they are trying to ban, too). The folly of it all is that this blog is probably more on their side than any other student publication. I hope this is all a joke, sick or otherwise. If not, I’m actually probably out of here.
      Cheers to all,
      Mr. Amendment, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, esq.

       

One Ping

  1. Pingback:

Leave a Reply

Loading…

Comments

comments

What do you think?

0 points
Upvote Downvote

Total votes: 0

Upvotes: 0

Upvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Downvotes: 0

Downvotes percentage: 0.000000%

Scripps College Receives Gift Equivalent to George R. Roberts’ Housekeeper’s Annual Bonus

Imposters Hung and Spellwoman Arrested, Deans Huang and Spellman Returned to Rightful Places, Golden Antlers Reinstated