Emily Parks Illegally in the Village… She’s Such a Silly Goose!


This just in: Emily is a Silly Goose. Perhaps you’ve seen her skipping through campus fountains, getting Peter to calm down at a party by saying: “Guys I know him. Listen to me, Peter, this isn’t you,” trying to become tiktok famous “as a joke,” or playing the devil’s advocate in her calculus class. We rounded up quotes from her friends to offer some insight into the person on everyone’s mind.

“One time we were outside Trader Joe’s, and she hopped into the shopping cart! We were literally dying. She’s so crazy!”

“One night Emily started swinging around the blue light like a stripper pole. You can’t take her anywhere! We posted it on IGTV.”

“I remember we were in LA at Sugarfish, and she asked for a banana! In a sushi restaurant! She’s literally so wild.” 

“We were leaving this party and she just started doing cartwheels! I literally have never laughed so hard in my life! Who does stuff like that? Only Emily.”

We reached out to Emily to find out a little more of her story. 

What about yourself makes others view you as “a total crackhead”?

I guess I’m just super quirky! I’m not like other girls. I just think life is so short so… YOLO! I don’t wear short skirts. I wear T-Shirts. I’m not cheer captain. I’m on the bleachers. 

Aren’t those the lyrics to You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift?

Hmm, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I made that up myself. 

Ok. Favorite movie?

Eat, Pray, Love. I just love eating. The other day I bought this jumbo bag of hot cheetos and just started eating it in the middle of class and everyone was so shook! They were like “omg you’re so crazy!”

Favorite song? 

You know, a lot of people listen to those mainstream artists, but I have more of a unique music taste. I’d say my favorite song is Thinking Bout You. It’s by this indie, underground guy named Frank Ocean. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it before.

What are you studying?

Psychology and ceramics.

Are you drinking rosé right now? 

It’s actually just leftover pink whitney I saved in a wine bottle. Isn’t it so crazy I do things like that? Lol. 

Who is your greatest inspiration?

All the people who put up black tile on their instagram. They gave me the unique idea to post a white tile and I got like 10 times extra comments that day.

We had several more questions for Emily, but she had to drive to Party City to buy a purple bob wig. What a Silly Goose! 


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