- Why are we receiving the new guidelines?
After a summer spent scrubbing jizz off Collins tables, housekeeping and maintenance requested ASCMC clarify its policy on high-risk sexual activity. We want to ensure CMC’s culture of inclusiveness and person-to-person interaction is protected, even if your sex isn’t. CMC has a motto of social responsibility; as such, we feel that all students must understand the new policy and facilitate moderation and responsibility in group sex situations. - What’s the difference between informal and formal gatherings?
Informal sexual gatherings are meant to ensure that the everyday, spontaneous sexual activities of students are not impeded by the new policies. However, we had to pick a number somehow, so we took the number of fucks we give about what the rest of CMC thinks and came up with the number 3. Informal gatherings that include sex of any kind cannot exceed 3 people.Any sexual activity involving more than 3 people must be registered 48 hours ahead of time at the Dean of Students’ office. An individual can host a sexual gathering with up to 11 additional consenting individuals. Registration is simple and can be done as often as you wish.If CMC faculty, RAs, or Campus security encounters a sexual gathering consisting of 4 or more people, he or she must (uncomfortably) ask the group to detach. If the group refuses to cumply, the response will be harsh, and not in a fun way.
- What if someone wants to join my informal gathering of 3 people?
You must, under any and all circumstances, ensure that the group does not grow 4 or more people. We suggest that you eject a person from the spontaneous eruption of coitus, or split into smaller groups of 2.Non-participating roommates who are pretending to be asleep do not count toward the 3-person limit. Non-participating roommates who are pretending to be asleep but are secretly masturbating do count toward the 3-person limit. - Where can a informal sexual gathering take place?
If the gathering is 1-3 people, you are permitted to hold it in:
-Your dorm room or apartment
-Common areas associated with a residential area, such as a recreational hall lounge, barbeque areas, etc.
-Defined sexual patio space
-Academic buildings when class is not in session.
[do_widget id=bl_google_ads-7] - Where can I host a registered sexual event?
There are lots of places that you can host a pre-registered event. Be sure to register at least 48 hours in advance. Some examples include:
-Residence hall lounges
-Bauer fountain (Pirate Party only)
-The Kube
-McKenna Auditorium
-The Ath (Please call ahead and make sure your gathering does not interfere with an Ath talk) - Who will enforce these guidelines?
First and foremost, students are in charge of keeping each other’s libidos in line. The guidelines give students the freedom to exercise their on-campus sexual privileges to ensure a safe and wholesome culture here at CMC.If you see a sexual gathering getting out of control, please call an RA, campus security, or 911. - Can I walk around with contraceptives?
Yes, but only if you are going somewhere.
–by Warren Chen with contributions from Jacksón Smith and Frank Lyles
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New staff writer = on point! Go GA go!